The Resurrection of Dr Reid
by CatKam
Summary: Once an addict, always an addict. After Gideon leaves, disaster catches up to Reid. While hunting down a pedophile in a small town, fate intervenes. Can it really be possible to return to the land of the living? REIDOFC - READ AND REVIEW PLEASE :D DONE!
1. Already Dead

**A/N: This is a rewrite to an old story, I decided to change it around a little. Let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does?**

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CH.1: _ALREADY DEAD_

Life was nothing if not cyclical; Spencer Reid was all the proof you needed. Here he was, alone again. It was almost as if he were a little boy, stuck at home with a mother who may as well not have been there at all, that was the overwhelming side effect of mental illness.

As a child he was abandoned by his father, and now as an adult, by his surrogate father. Gideon had left him to fight alone, with hardly any explanation as to why. It haunted him, kept him awake at night. _How could he just leave me? Didn't he know what would happen if he left?_

Another slip, it was always another slip. Every derailment was the one thing that could push him over the edge and back into a frenzy of drug use.

Truth be told, even with Gideon around, he had never been clean. But he was close, a hell of a lot closer then he was now.

But Gideon, for all his understanding and brain power, couldn't grapple the addiction, but then again, neither could he. Part of him wondered if he himself was what pushed Gideon away.

That was in the past now. Gideon was in his past, gone forever. The drugs were his present, they were all he clung to anymore. He had no doubt that drugs would be his future too.

Sick to his stomach as usual he filled the syringe with Dilaudid. His sickness was sweeping over him again, luring him back with their intoxicating powers. He no longer felt the slightest urge to put down the needle. It didn't matter how much he took, it was never enough, it never lasted.

If he took to much? Well it didn't really matter: he was already dead, and he knew it.

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**A/N: This was an introduction to Reid's state of mind, the first chapter is coming. Please read and review!!!!**


	2. Old Friends

**A/N: This is the introduction to my OC, the story unfolds in the next chapter. ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

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Cameron Mansfield hadn't expected Virgina to be this cold, even if it was January. As she stepped into the FBI headquarters she scolded herself for deciding to walk all the way from her hotel. 

She looked around, _so this is what an FBI training base looks like? _Stepping into an elevator she unbuttoned her coat and rubbed her hands together to warm them up. She was certain that her long chocolate colored hair was a mess from the wind and that her fair cheeks were probably bright pink. She shrugged to herself,_ you aren't here so people can have something pretty to look at._

The elevator doors opened out onto the BAU's fortress-like bullpen area, everyone was busy and in an early morning rush. She got a few looks from several agents, nothing new to her. Not wanting to disturb anyone or bring too much attention to herself she decided to look around until she found Aaron Hotchner's office.

In his office Hotch was sitting at his desk in the middle of a conversation with his the head of security when there was a quiet rapping at his door.

"I'll have to call you back," he said hanging up the phone. "Come in."

He knew who it was and when she opened to door he was not disappointed. It seemed like it was five years earlier and she was walking into his office at the New York D.A.'s.

Smiling brightly she walked over to his desk and he shook her hand. "How've you been?" He asked.

"Fine, I left California." She answered.

"Right I heard, and moved back to New York. Actually, I'm surprised to see you here. I never thought you'd leave the perfect job." Hotch eyed her carefully.

"Yeah well, you know…"

Hotch didn't really know, but he respected her desire to keep her private life private. It wasn't his place to intrude.

"Welcome to the BAU. I think you'll do quite well here. There are a few formalities we have to go through including a psych eval—"

Cameron cut him off, shaking her head, "Aaron, I'm sorry but what exactly did Dr. Edwards tell you?"

Hotch frowned, take aback. "I'm not sure what you mean?"

Cameron sat down in a chair across from him, biting her lip, "Aaron, I'm not here to join the team. I'm bringing you a case and hopefully assisting you in Missouri."

Hotch looked confused, "I'm sorry, I thought you weren't working?"

"I'm not, but I don't want to work here." She said firmly.

"Are you su—"

"Yes I'm sure. But enough about me. What's going on with you?"

Hotch reflected silently, if Cameron wasn't joining the FBI she might be the only person who could help Reid without putting his career in jeopardy.

"Aaron?" Cameron got his attention again. "You should know better then to hide things from me. Something is weighing on your mind. And I'm guessing, you could use some help."

He smiled, she was as good as the rest of them. "Off the record, we have a drug problem, Dr. Reid has been using for several months. Now I haven't acknowledged the problem because he'd lose his job, you see?"

She nodded and he continued, "You were a rehab counselor after you left the NYPD, I could use the help."

She had experience but she wasn't sure if she had the emotional strength to deal with someone else's problems. After all, she was here to hide from her own.

Cameron wrung her hands nervously. She had never been able to ignore the right thing to do. She caught herself off-guard when she answered, "I'm in. Hopefully I can help him."

Hotch nodded gratefully, "Let me introduce you to my team." They rose and walked towards the door and Cameron knew that she was in for a train wreck.

_Not if I can help it._

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**A/N: Let me know what you think, please read and review!!**


	3. Small Steps

**A/N: This was origially 2 chapters but I made it into 1. Let me know if it's TOO long :D**

**Thanks for reviewing, please continue to provide feedback!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

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Spencer Reid tapped his hand nervously against his thin leg as he watched Derek Morgan and Emily Prentiss talk about their weekends. For him weekends were just the easiest times to get high. 

No one wanted to ignore what he was going through but his acerbic manner had made it clear that he wanted to be left alone.

Everyone hoped that there was a window of time where Reid was going to get better. Sadly things didn't turn out that way and when Gideon left the team, suddenly the young doctor completely abandoned his recovery and slowly sank back into his state of lonely drug use.

Reid didn't even pretended to be focused on what Morgan and Emily were saying, he just stared blankly into space. He was, as always, thinking about when he could get his next fix.

"Uh, Reid, earth to Reid," Emily interrupted "you got something on you mind?"

He looked up surprised that anyone even bothered to acknowledge him, he had been tying to become invisible lately.

He opened his mouth to tell her he was fine when he was distracted by a girl walking out of Hotch's office. Reid was stunned by her soft beauty, long hair the colour of choclate, porcelain skin, and big blue eyes.

Cameron smiled in the direction of the team that she saw standing in the bull pen. As usual they had already noticed her. Though at times unwanted, her looks always managed to garner a lot if attention.

Emily turned her attention away from this new woman and looked to the team, now joined by J.J. and Garcia. "Who's that? Has anyone seen her here before?" Emily asked curiously.

Morgan, Garcia, and J.J. all answered no and Reid audibly gulped and shook his head weakly.

"Think its Hotch's new girlfriend?" Morgan asked jokingly.

Garcia gave him a light slap on the arm, "That's not even funny."

"I was kidding Babydoll; she's probably Jack's new baby sitter." He said with a light laugh.

Emily rolled her eyes, "Knock it off Morgan, he's bringing her over here."

Hotch led Cameron briskly over to the rest of the team and Cameron waved and smiled at them. In return she received smiles from the pretty dark haired woman and colorful blonde. The muscular male agent and serious blonde both nodded cordially and the thin young one looked away quickly. Cameron instantly knew that the young one was Dr. Reid.

Hotch cleared his throat, "Everyone I'd like you to meet Cameron Mansfield."

Cameron extended her right arm and Hotch introduced each agent one at a time "SSA Jennifer Jareau, SSA Derek Morgan, Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia, SSA Emily Prentiss, and Dr. Spencer Reid."

When she shook Reid's hand he tried not to make contact with those startlingly blue eyes. Cameron definitely felt a slight tremor in his hand. She let go of his hand and moved a little closer, looked up and gave him a bright smile.

Reid managed a weak smile but this time he didn't look away, something in her eyes made him feel better. He felt his heart start racing. He saw her eyes and eyes and up close he sensed something wasn't alright with her either. When you're as screwed up as he was, it wasn't hard to see it in other people.

After this exchange Hotch continued with his story, "I've known Cameron since I was a prosecutor in New York, she was working with the NYPD. She was the one behind cracking the last case I ever prosecuted."

Garcia smiled, "Looks like we've got another smart cookie on our hands."

Cameron blushed, "Alright, enough reminiscing."

"Right, I bet you want to get settled in. I'll show you the ropes if you like." J.J. offered.

"Oh no, I'm not here permanently. I have a case that is right up your alley." She explained.

J.J. spoke up next, "You have a case? You're not one of my contacts from the NYPD."

Cameron shook her head, "I don't even work for the NYPD anymore. No, this case belongs to a cop friend of mine in Missouri. He didn't have an FBI contact, but I have several. I called Dr. Edwards, a friend from the New York field office because you guys were on a case. Aaron got the memo when you guys got back yesterday. I got here late last night but it wasn't until this morning that the case became official." Cameron turned her attention to Hotch, "Do you, ah, have anywhere where I can run everyone through the details?"

Hotch nodded, "Right this way, I'll let you set up. Everyone, be in the round table room in five minutes."

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

"Skidmore, Missouri, a very small town in Midwestern Missouri has recently had several reports of missing children. Five children told their parents that they were coaxed into a van by a man who called himself Patches."

"Hold on, they told their parents?" Emily asked. "How did they do—"

"According to the reports the children claimed to be returned home in what would have been only a few hours. They were taken at unaccounted for hours of the day, times when no one would have noticed that there were missing. All of the children are seven or eight years old and in the same class."

Morgan interrupted, "Isn't it possible they made it all up, you know trying to spice up the boring small town life?"

"That's what the Missouri police and I were considering but all of the children told their stories with incredible detail, and trust me they were all identical." Cameron took a deep breath and began again. "Then this morning another girl went missing, this time she wasn't returned. Police think that this case is probably connected with the others."

"Was she taken at an unaccountable time of day, like the others?" J.J. asked.

Cameron nodded, "Only this time, when she should have been returned she wasn't. It's been five hours and she's still missing, there's no ransom note."

Hotch stood up and the rest of the team followed, "We're going. If this girl was kidnapped by the same guy, he's escalating. The jet leaves in 1 hour, we'll continue the profile on the plane. Cameron, I need to speak to you in my office a minute." He said already half way out the door.

She scooped up her belongings, "Coming!"

Hotch opened to door to his office and Cameron followed him in quickly.

"You need to go back to your apartment and pack an overnight bag for the case. You have time to drive home now." Hotch said while looking through some files.

"Umm, well I walked to work this morning and I'm staying at a local motel." Cameron replied.

"Oh, that's fine I can drive you there myself. I keep my overnight bag at work."

"Okay then, let's go."

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

On they way to Cameron's motel, Hotch was starting to get curious, "So I was wondering," Hotch began, "why don't you want to join the BAU?"

Cameron smoothed an invisible wrinkle out of her grey dress pants, "Hotch, I am not a federal agent."

"I already told you, just complete a few field hours, pass health clearance and you're in. Everyone wants to be in the BAU."

"Not me. I am bringing this case to the BAU and lending my expertise. That's all." Cameron said trying to end the conversation there.

"You don't think you can lend your expertise to any future cases? You should stay, you just resigned from the hospital in New York—" Hotch continued to push.

"If you don't drop it I'll jump out of the car, moving or not." Cameron tried to lighten the mood.

Hotch parked the car and looked at her skeptically. She hopped out of the car, and smiled "Get over it Aaron, it's not permanent."

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

After handing out detailed case files, Cameron gave the team time to read through them individually. While they read she made herself a green tea in the rear of the cabin, trying to calm herself down. She could feel her emotional fatigue returning. She had tried to forget her problems, but she was struggling to remain in a state of denial. Her eyes started to well up as she headed back to the cabin.

Reid had, as usual, finished reading long before the rest of the team and he now proceeded to stare blankly out the window. He felt that terrible unsettling weakness again. _When had things gotten so out of control?_ His thoughts were interrupted when he noticed Cameron sit down beside him.

"Hey Spencer, you already finished?" She asked in a soft voice.

He cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah, I read fast."

"Hmm, I thought I was a fast reader." Cameron said, he wasn't sure if she expected him to respond, luckily she continued. "Aaron told me you were smart, he actually called you a genius. He's very literal these days." She added deliberately, again he took notice of that brilliant smile.

Her voice had a soft quality and he felt it calm him, maybe it even brought him closer to who he used to be. But he still couldn't stop thinking about the drugs, and he wondered if she could tell that those thoughts constantly ran through his mind.

He realized he was just sitting there staring into space and quickly cleared his throat again, "So, uh, where do you work now?"

"Nowhere." She answered frankly. "Right after University I worked for NYPD, I was there for a year and a half. Then I moved to California and I did some counseling in a hospital." She decided not to mention that her job was counseling drug addicts who were in the hospital.

"I was only there for seven months when I decided to move back to New York. I stayed there for three years. I worked at a hospital, counseling terminally ill children and their families."

"That sounds like a blast." His voice was cold with sarcasm. _God, what the hell is wrong with me? _He shook his head apologetically, "I'm sorry."

Cameron sighed, "It wasn't easy, but I think after all the criminals I talked to with NYPD, I was ready for a little…humanity."

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Yeah, I did, for a while anyways."

* * *

The agents stepped off of the plane at the airport outside of Skidmore and they were promptly met by the local officer in charge of the case. Cameron smiled and walked over to him and gave him a big hug. 

"Hey Charlie," she said and then released her hug, "let's get to work buddy. We've got a missing girl to find."

He looked over at the team and gave a nod to show his gratitude.

"Let me introduce you to the team," Cameron rattled of everyone's names like they'd been working together for quite a while and she was far more professional then they'd expected, based on the hug they just witnessed. "This is Officer Charlie Malcolm, he is heading the investigation."

Hotch quickly got down to business, "We don't need to go straight to the police station. We have all read the case files, now we need to speak the kids and their families. We can split up and meet back in 90 minutes. Could you have a deputy take Morgan and Emily to the first two homes, J.J. and I'll go to numbers three and fours with you, and Cameron and Reid can go to number five and then talk to the family of the missing girl."

Officer Malcolm spoke up, "That's fine, although I don't have a spare deputy to take Cameron and Dr. Reid, but the last two children were neighbors, we can drop them off on our way."

"Sounds good," Cameron said with a nod, "we'll walk back to the station when we're finished." The team split up, not completely sure of what they'd learn in the next hour and a half.

Cameron and Reid left the house of the fifth child and walked towards their last stop on the next street over. Cameron looked over at Reid, who had barely spoken this whole time. _Poor thing, he looks so tired._ She frowned as he shivered against the wind, no hat, scarf or gloves. At least his coat looked warm.

"You look pretty cold Spence." She mused, moving a little closer to him, bumping his brown messenger bag with her hip.

"What? Oh yeah, I uh… forgot to bring my gloves. The weather station said it was like zero degrees with the wind chill. It's my own stupid fault." He spoke downwards.

Cameron cut in front of him and walked backwards. "I forget my gloves all the time. Or I leave them on the plane." She admitted, holding out two pale, bare hands.

He smiled at this and she continued to walk backwards, "I have a solution though. You see, I roll up the ends of my sweater around my hands and the scrunch them in my jacket, like this" she demonstrated for him with almost childlike sweetness.

"That's strange." He said testing it out for himself. "It makes sense though, basic insulation." He held his toasty stubs out for her inspection.

She reached out, jokingly inspecting his hands. She gently, casually ran her hands down his arms. In this moment she felt a rare connection and knew not to let it pass by. He started to feel instantly warmer, but it wasn't so much a physical warmth, it was foreign to him.

_I don't deserve this feeling, what am I doing?_ He pulled his hands away and jammed them in his pockets.

Cameron gave a silent sigh and turned back around. After a few seconds she spoke again, "So where did you work before you joined the BAU?"

He squinted in the glare of the sun, "I didn't actually. I started university when I was 13—"

"Wow, you were still a child." She hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"I guess," he agreed, "while I was there I got my undergrad degree in a couple years and seven years latter I joined the BAU."

"Don't be so modest, seven more years in University huh? Sounds like the perfect amount of time to earn Three PhDs." He stopped walking and she looked at him. "Hotch told me. Not bad."

He continued to walk and she followed him silently, she looked around at the street and pointed towards the house where the sixth child lived.

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Reid watched as Cameron handed Clarissa Strauss' mother a tissue, he watched helplessly as both parents struggled to hang on. He didn't know what to say, he had no comforting words. Lucky for him, Cameron was full of them.

Mrs. Strauss sobbed, "Its our fault, we…we should have paid more attention when the other kids said that," she gasped, "that man took them and now our daughter is…" She buried her head in her hands.

Cameron tilted her head sympathetically, "Ma'am, please listen, this is not your fault. You can't blame yourselves."

"My wife's right, if people would have just listened to their children none if this would have happened. We should have…" The husband took a deep breath and looked away, blurry-eyed.

Cameron glanced at Reid who remained silent and then continued, "I understand you're scared. Stuff like this, children being taken from their parents, it should never happen. And when it does, you can end up driving yourselves mad with the 'should haves' and the 'what ifs'. All you can do now is wait, wait for us to find your daughter. You can't lose hope." Cameron said firmly, looking at the Strauss' with caring eyes. "We'll be in touch of we learn anything. You are doing everything your daughter needs now."

Reid looked at Cameron curiously, he never liked talking to victim's families. It was the worst part of the job.

Ms. Strauss looked at Cameron, "So you'll…"

"I promise you we'll find her, trust me." Cameron said with a comforting smile.

And for the first time in the hour since they had been there, the parents actually looked like they had some hope.

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

"You don't seem to have a problem, with this type of stuff." Reid commented out loud on the way back to the station.

"What stuff?"

"Talking to thee victims, the families, all the bad emotional stuff. I can never do it." Reid admitted.

Cameron sighed, "I'm guess I'm just good at making sure that the families don't lose hope. I understand why its so hard for you, I struggle with it as much as anyone. I've always been the one who people are comfortable with. So I'm always the one to talk to the families, always the one to break the bad news. It eats me up inside. And no matter how many times I do it, it never gets any easier."

"Well that's comforting." Reid said lightly.

"You should find it comforting." Cameron pointed out, followed by a doubtful look from Reid. "I'm here to help you through the hard part." Her words clearly took on a double meaning.

"For now, I guess. But you're not staying?" He added as an afterthought, meaning it to be a rhetorical question.

She answered anyways, "No, I'm not staying."

* * *

"Clarissa Strauss, eight years old, went missing at seven o'clock this morning. Six hours later she is still missing." Hotch spoke to the police department which consisted of four officers.

"Two children, Anna Borski and Jessica Lawrence told us that this offender, Patches, took pictures of them." Emily added on to the profile.

"You think he's using them for child pornography?" A deputy asked incredulously.

Cameron had never been involved in a formal profile before, sure she'd presented informal profiles to the NYPD where she explained the nature of the offenders to the detectives. There was a moment of silence and she decided to speak up.

"No, I don't. I think this offender would be classified as preferential pedophile. We initially assumed that the children were all the same age and gender because that is what was available in the town. But I think he is actually a pedophile who is taking these children for a reason, to satisfy his sexual urges." Cameron offered this information and then looked to Hotch, who nodded in agreement.

"But did any of the children say that the man touched them?" Officer Malcolm asked. Emily shook her head, "Most of the children didn't even want to mention the pictures, those that did were reluctant."

"How can you call him a pedophile then? If he doesn't..." Malcolm looked uncomfortable.

"In my experience some pedophiles can only get off on souvenirs or pictures of their victims. They never touch the children and often use smells that remind them off the children to help with psychosexual release." Cameron clarified for the police department.

"These offenders are often nervous around people, even these children. They get anxious and can't enjoy the experience so they use pictures instead." Reid added quickly. "Most likely, you're looking for a man 30-35, probably slight with virtually no self-confidence. He is most likely not a parent and he wouldn't be married. In fact he is typically even more of a loner then most sexual offenders."

"How come he returns the children? He doesn't even blindfold them. He lured them into a car offering them a ride home or asking them for help with a sick animal. He then keeps them a few hours and the lets them go. Isn't he concerend about being identified?" Malcolm asked the team.

"The children all gave the same, fairly generic, description. He probably knows that people perceive him as bland, unmemorable. He also wouldn't have the confidence it takes to kill someone." J.J. explained to the department.

"That's why he let them go when he was done with them." Cameron finished

Hotch stood up, "The profile is enough to start canvassing. Look for people who fit the profile, ask the locals if they know anyone like this."

"Thank you Agents," Malcolm said and turned to his crew, "we can spilt up, and we should get most of it done by twilight." The deputies followed him out of the small room.

Only the BAU and Cameron remained in the room. Cameron deliberately doubled over in her chair and touched her toes. She took a deep breath, sat up and looked at Hotch.

"There's something I don't understand," she finally admitted. "Why did he keep this girl?"

"He probably had a stressor, something that made him escalate to this level." Hotch explained as he looked though the other agents notes again.

"But his actions are so far off script. Taking a child would make him incredibly nervous, it doesn't seem like he's escalating, it's almost like he changed MO entirely." There was a nervous edge to Cameron's voice.

"She's right Hotch, keeping this girl won't bring him any pleasure. It will do exactly the opposite." Morgan said as he paced back and forth.

"Couldn't that mean he's looking for something else?" Emily pointed out. Cameron shrugged and looked at Hotch.

"Okay, if he has changed tactics, then maybe his purpose for the children has also changed." Hotch considered for a moment. "So what does this tell us?"

The room was silent for a moment everyone was thinking, everyone was worried. Offenders rarely changed MO, and an offender like this should never have the confidence to change.

Reid finally turned his attention away from the small window in the office and looked at the team anxiously, "It tells us that Clarissa is in more trouble then we thought."

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**Hope you all enjoyed it!!! Please let me no what you think, any feed back would be rad!**


	4. Takes One to Know One

**A/N: Chapter 4, thankyou to everyone who has reviewed or added the story to their alert list please continue to do so. As Always Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

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The team was deafly silent and desperately trying to think of what to do next. It was a few minutes before Cameron realized the team was taking turns looking at her, expecting her to say something.  
She grimaced and took a deep breath, "I'm sorry guys, I just… I'm not sure what we should do next." She messaged her temples and shut her eyes. "Just give me a minute, okay?" She stood up and walked out of the room. 

"Hotch, what's up with her?" Morgan asked. Hotch looked towards to door and held up his hands unknowingly. 

Morgan turned his attention to Reid, "How about you Reid, any idea what's going on there?" He shook his head and glared at Morgan. _I'm not a mind reader; I've no idea where she'd go._ He really didn't want anymore attention drawn to himself and he was starting to feel crabby and nauseous. It was about the time that withdrawal would start setting in.

J.J. tried to get back on track so they could focus on the case, "Why would he completely change his MO?" she asked flipping through the case folder. 

"Like Emily said, maybe he has a new purpose for the children." Morgan reinstated. 

"Maybe the pictures aren't working for him anymore." Reid spoke up, "Maybe he's looking for a different type of pleasure." 

"Let's hope not," Cameron said as she reentered the room, "if he can't control his sexual urges, who's to say how long he'll be able to control any homicidal urges he has." Cameron finished grimly taking a nervous sip from her apple juice. 

Her sudden juice break elicited several strange looks from the team and she blankly said, "I don't think as well when my blood sugar's low." 

They seemed to hit a road block, they couldn't really form a standard profile. With nothing real to go on, the team was relieved to hear the office phone ring, Hotch spoke to the officer on the other end for a few minutes and then hung up. "The police department is out canvassing, one person said something about a man, a coworker, who fit this description. His name is John Harshmalo. Emily, you and I will go talk to him." 

"We're assuming he's still around." Emily added. 

"Let's hope so," Hotch turned to Morgan, "Call Garcia, have her run a background check for sexual offenders in the area, make sure to check outside of the town." 

"I'm on it." Morgan said grabbing his phone on the way out of the station. 

"J.J. I need you to give a brief press conference in the Town Hall. Make sure you put a lot of heat on the guy, turn the town against him. If he's as cowardly as we think he may just let her go to avoid the police." 

J.J. nodded and made a series of quick notes to herself. Hotch turned to Reid and Cameron, "You two met with Clarissa's family, you know the most about this girl. Work on victimology, try to find a reason for this man to keep this girl in particular, maybe a specific connection." 

"Of course, absolutely." Cameron assured looking at Reid, "We'll start looking right away." 

Hotch, Emily and J.J. left to the room with a purpose, to interview suspects and inform the town. Cameron and Reid didn't know what to do, so they just stared at the white board of pictures and information. They took turns flipping through notes and reading the case file and writing down, then scratching out their ideas. 

About half an hour had passed and all they'd accomplished was a few seating changes and a couple pages of scribbled out notes. 

"We're missing something," Cameron said standing up and walking past the white board, "There has to be something here we can't see." She turned to where Reid had been sitting for 15 minutes, he had moved minimally and he was crouched over the table like he was trying to keep himself warm. �

"How are we supposed to find it?" Reid asked, absently running his hands up and down his legs for warmth. "We don't have a starting point." He remembered why he hadn't been talking, he felt nauseous. It felt like he was producing a massive amount of saliva, something that always happen to him before he vomited. He took a deep, shuddering breath. 

"God, are you okay?" He shook his head weakly. Cameron snapped into action and she walked over to Reid. She put a hand on his shoulder. "You're really pale." 

"I'll be fine." He smiled weakly and attempted to stand up. 

"Don't even think about it, sit back down." She ordered.

"Cameron, I'm fine. I don't need to sit down." He was starting to feel light headed again. 

"Listen, I don't want to have to tie you down, but I will. Now sit." She gently took hold of his wrist, as he lowered himself back into the chair. His pulse seemed faster then it should be and he started shivering again. 

"Are you satisfied?" He felt like crap, but the last thing he wanted was to drag more people, especially her, into his mess. 

She shook her head and with a sigh, pressed her lips lightly to his forehead. Her long hair fell in his face, it smelled like honey and raspberries. He felt his heart start racing wildly and he prayed she couldn't feel it pounding on his ribcage. 

"Well it doesn't feel like you have a fever." She said after she removed her lips from his forehead, he was a little clammy though. She suspected that she knew why he took ill so suddenly. "How are you feeling?" 

She took notice of the expression on his face, "Don't look so violated!" She smiled, "The lips are very sensitive to temperature. It's what I always did with—" she stopped herself. "It's just what I've always done." 

He smiled in bemusement at this woman, "I think I'm fine, a little tired maybe and have you noticed how cold it is in here?" 

She stood beside him, propped up against the table, "I don't think that's what it is." 

He pressed his lips tightly and gave her a look. She cleared her throat, "Fine, fine, I get the message. You know what? I'm cold too. Think I'm allowed to turn up the thermostat?" 

He gestured towards the thermostat, "Go for it." 

* * *

_'Rub my magic lamp and your three wishes are my command.'_ Garcia chirped when she answered Morgan's phone call. 

"Hey Baby Angel, are you sure that's what you want me to rub?" Morgan said mischievously. 

She gasped, _'Don't tease me! You know I can't refuse an offer like that.'_

"Alright now, let's get down to business. I need you to run a search on sexual offenders in the area. It's a small town so try and focus on other towns in the area." 

_'Your wish is my command. Any specific types of crimes you want me to look for?' _Garcia asked as she twirled a pink pen in her fingers. 

"No, go as broad as possible. We have no idea what this offender is doing anymore." 

* * *

Hotch and Emily stood towards the back of the factory, shouting over the noise. "You think he's still here?" Emily asked with her fingers in her ears.  
"The foreman thinks so. If he's still here, he's probably not our guy though." Hotch yelled through the grinding of metal. 

A tall, thin, man with grey hair and wire glasses walked over to them. "John Harshmalo?" Hotch asked. 

The man took his eyes off the ground, "Uh yeah, the manager said you wanted to see me." 

Emily looked at him, "We need you to account for your whereabouts at the following times: 7:40 am to 9:20 am on Friday January 18, 3:30 pm..." 

The man looked at Emily awkwardly, "I work from eight to four everyday, it takes me 45 minutes to get to work." He looked quickly at Hotch. "I've punched in on time everyday and haven't missed a day of work since last winter. You can check with him." He pointed to the foreman. 

Hotch and Emily looked at each other, they had no reason to consider him as a suspect anymore. "You can go back to work." Hotch said. "Thank you for your time." 

As John Harshmalo walked away, Emily sighed, "Looks like another dead end sir." 

* * *

J.J. stood at the podium in the Town Hall, she was speaking to the three stations that showed up. 

"This man is a coward, if you passed him on the street he would look away. He takes children because he's too afraid of people his own size." She stretched the truth to help shape people's opinion of this bastard. 

"This man is probably about 30-35 with absolutely no people skills. Be on the lookout for a van in poor condition. He probably doesn't have a steady job and may live of a government check." J.J. looked up from her notes and looked directly at the cameras. "If the town works in accordance with the FBI we can catch this man and put him away. Be aware of anyone who fits this description. Let's get Clarissa Strauss back to her parents." 

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Inside their family home the Strauss' sat in front of the TV holding onto each others hands. Mr. Strauss closed his eyes, Ms. Strauss did too. Their eyes filled with tears while they whispered the Lord's Prayer, simply praying for their daughter to be returned. 

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Cameron walked back into the small back room of the police station with two coffees. Reid was scanning to board with his eyes waiting for something to pop out at him. Cameron stood beside him silently, she frowned at the bored and handed him a hot coffee. "We both know this is crazy," she said matter-of-factly, taking a sip of her coffee. "He hasn't given us anything, we have five living victims who saw his face. But we have nothing that would help us find him. It's insane." 

Reid eyes lit up and his mind began to race. Something she'd said had given him an idea. 

She continued her one sided conversation, "Let's hope Garcia found Morgan something helpful. Then maybe we'll—" 

"Stop talking for a second." Reid interrupted, "Please," he quickly added, "You just made me think of something." 

Cameron looked at him curiously, "Well? Spill it Spence, the suspense is killing me." 

He turned away from the bored and looked at her, "Did you know that something like 26.2 percent of adults in the United States has a diagnosed psychiatric condition?" 

"No… I didn't. But I also didn't know that you would say that off the top of your head," her eyes wide and bewildered. "It doesn't matter anyways, someone who is psychotic wouldn't have been able operate as efficiently as he has." 

"First, I didn't say he was psychotic." 

"Alright, I see your point. But I still don't understand where you're going." Cameron rubbed her eyes and waited for him to continue. 

"Most psychiatric diseases are at the very least treatable. You have mood stabilizers, therapists, clinical trials, ser—" Reid's words raced to keep up with his mind. 

"Okay, I get it. So you're saying we're looking for someone with a psychiatric condition…" Cameron waited for him to finish. 

"Who was receiving effective treatment." Reid finished then paused. "But what if he stopped his treatment?" 

Cameron's face lit up, "He's getting better on the meds, he goes off of them, he gets worse, and then he snaps." 

Reid nodded enthusiastically, "Exactly, and the meds probably weren't prescribed for his sexual urges." 

"So the illness isn't why he's abducting children, he's a pedophile with or without treatment." Cameron added. 

"All the meds did was keep him stable enough to return the children. Until he stopped using them, until he took Clarissa Strauss." 

"I knew you were in the BAU for a reason." Cameron said with a grin. 

Reid put his hands in his pockets, "You think you can call Hotch and tell him our theory?" 

"Uh huh, we should also call Morgan. Ask him if Garcia can get us the names and addresses of any psychiatric facilities in the area. And we'll need a warrant for the records. I'll call a judge." She looked at the wall clock it was quarter to five. "If we hurry we can probably get the records before everyone leaves." 

Reid walked over to his messenger bag and pulled out his cell to call Morgan. 

Cameron pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, "Reid, what's Hotch's number?" 

He quickly rattled off the number before Morgan picked up on the other end. 

She dialed Hotch's number while Reid talked to Morgan, who talked to Garcia, who was typing into a search engine all the way back in Quantico. 

_'Hotchner._' 

Cameron rolled her eyes, _what a way to answer the phone. _

_"Who is this?" _

She shook her head, "Aaron, it's me, Cameron." 

_'Oh, sorry about that Cameron. Did you come up with anything on victimology?'_

"No, nothing on victimology, but Reid came up with a theory about our perp. Based on his behavior we think he might be someone with a psychiatric condition who recently stopped taking his meds. Reid's on the phone with Morgan right now getting the locations of nearby psychiatric clinics. We're going to try and get a hold of the records, maybe get some potential suspects." 

_'Okay, good work guys. Malcolm and the officers are on their way back. J.J., Prentiss and I are going to grab a quick bite to eat. When we get back we'll update the everyone. You call us as soon as you come across someone that fits the profile and we'll track them down.'_

Reid was jotting down information from Morgan who was at the library in town because the police station didn't have an internet connection. 

"Okay, will do. I have to go, but Morgan should be back soon." Cameron hung up the phone and quickly scribbled a note for Charlie Malcolm telling him she was borrowing his personal car for the case and promised to reimburse him for the gas. She grabbed his keys out of his top desk drawer. 

Reid snapped his cell phone shut, "Morgan found one clinic and two hospitals in neighboring areas that treat psychiatric patients." He grabbed their coats off the back of their chairs. 

Cameron took her coat, "Thanks." They headed out the door of the station and it was already pretty dark outside. She pointed to Charlie's car, "It's the black one." 

She hopped into the driver's side and Reid got in beside her. They sat in silence for several minutes while she waited for the engine to warm up. 

Reid stared quietly out the window while Cameron watched him intently. She hated to seeing someone is such bad shape, though he did his best to cover it up. She knew he was going through hell, she understood that. But she swore that each time he smiled there was the hope for recovery. 

She resisted the urge to tell him that she was going to help him. She wanted to comfort him and let him know that she would help him get better. But she knew that it would be inappropriate in the situation. She shook herself back to reality, remembering that she had a case to solve. She started driving to the first clinic. 

Reid was starting to feel antsy and car sick, he was not in the mood to go for a long drive. 

Cameron turned away from the road quickly, "Are you alright?" Reid remained completely silent. 

She frowned and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. 

Reid squinted at nothing, "What are you trying to avoid?" His tone sounded caustic to her. 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Your presence here isn't logical. People don't just investigate potential cases for their old friends when they haven't worked in law enforcement for five years." 

"Spencer, I know this probably goes against everything you've ever learned, but some things cannot be explained logically." 

Reid turned his head, "Why'd you leave your old job?" 

Cameron took a deep breath, she didn't want to get mad at him. He was sick and that's why he was acting this way. "Sometimes people just burn out, it happens." 

Reid rolled his eyes, "Sure." 

Cameron turned indignant, "Hey, do me a favor? Stop pretending like you know me." 

Reid smirked, "I'm a profiler." 

Cameron shook her head, "Whatever." 

But Reid kept pushing, he was being uncharacteristically cruel now, "Something happened to you at your last job and it really screwed you up. Now, you won't work anywhere with high emotional stakes. Even if you wanted to, you're afraid to care about a job again. This case must really suck for you." 

Cameron raised her voice a little, her eyes glued to the road, "Do you hear yourself? I know you think you're being a profiler, but you're really coming across as a jerk." She stared forwards, "You should cut the crap Reid. You're only insisting that I'm screwed up because you're every bit as damaged." Her expression was somber, "Takes one to know one." 

Reid's face fell and he held his arms close to his body and looked down, he was emotionally and physically spent. 

Normally Cameron was endlessly patient, but the last thing needed was someone profiling her and reminding her of how life had dealt her a crappy hand. 

She was mad at him but she was madder at herself. He hadn't said anything that was untrue. But she was right too, the more vulnerable you are, the easier it is to sense other people's vulnerabilities.

Ever familiar with the mood swings of addicts, Cameron cleared her throat, "You know Spencer, for one it's worth, you're a damn good profiler." 

He turned to face her, almost smiling. That's the thing about damaged people, no one could ever understand them better then their own kind. 

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU'RE ENJOYING THE STORY, ANY FEEDBACK OR SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREAT.**


	5. Almost Right

**A/N: Chapter 4 is up! Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing, I appreciate it. Hopefully you guys enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I own Cameron Mansfield though.**

* * *

Cameron put her hands on her hips and scowled at the closed door in front of her. This was their final stop before heading back to the police station, and to put it mildly, it wasn't going well.

She banged loudly on the door again, "Doctor! We have a warrant you know." There was no reply. 

Reid frowned tightly and shrugged in Cameron's direction. She rolled her eyes skyward, "You're FBI, I think you should kick the door in." 

He squinted and shook his head, "You must have me confused with Morgan." 

She gave a small smile, and turned the knob, "Would you look at that, its open." She opened the door and walked in. 

The doctor didn't look up from transcribing his sessions, "I told you we're closed, come back tomorrow." 

Reid raised an eyebrow, "Do you really want to obstruct a Federal investigation?" 

Cameron looked around the room observing the family photos. She sat down in a chair across from his desk. 

"Can I help you?" He asked in an irritated tone. 

"Pretty sure you already know the answer to that." 

He kept right on transcribing, she didn't bother to delve into why he was so reluctant to help. "What if it was one of your daughters?" 

The doctor's face softened and he looked at her for several seconds and then, without speaking, tossed the keys for the filing cabinet to Reid. 

"Thank you." 

Back at the Skidmore police station a couple of hours had passed and the team was still combing through records. Everyone was physically and mentally exhausted.

Hotch rubbed his head, "Listen up, I think we need to start sleeping in shifts." 

The team looked up from their files groggily, they knew there was no point in arguing; they all needed sleep. 

"Half of you go to the motel and sleep for three or four hours and thenswitch." Hotch looked at the team. 

"I'll stay." Cameron volunteered quickly. 

"Hotch I could use a few hours sleep." J.J. spoke up honestly. 

Morgan and Reid both admitted that they needed to leave as well. Reid looked sicker then before and Morgan was looking drained. 

Hotch turned to Emily, "Prentiss, you okay to stay for a while longer?" 

Emily nodded and Hotch turned to the three departing agents, "We'll see you in a few hours, rest up and keep your cell phones on." 

As J.J, Morgan and Reid left, Hotch got on his cell phone and Emily and Cameron combed through some more records. 

"I'm surprised." Emily stated not looking up from the files. 

"Oh," Cameron hadn't spoken to Emily much, "by what?" 

"That you stayed. You've never done this before, it's tiring work. People don't adapt to this type of schedule quickly." 

"I'm fine, I don't need to sleep very much, I've had my fair share of practice with late nights." 

"It's also kind of weird that Reid left. Normally he has to stay into a mystery is solved, he hates leaving things unfinished." 

This reinforced Cameron's worries, "It might be… well he wasn't feeling well earlier." 

"Oh, I see." Emily didn't buy this as the whole story, and Cameron knew for a fact that it wasn't the whole story. 

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Reid sat on the bathroom floor of his motel room, his messenger back at his feet. He couldn't work like this, he had to do it. He needed it. He knew it was up to him to help find the UnSub and he couldn't do it when he was sick like this. 

He allowed the sickening peaceful release of the drugs to consume him and he stopped shaking, he started to fall into a haze. He crawled weakly to his bed, exhausted. He would allow the instant effects to wear off in his sleep. Then he would be fine to go back to work. Everything should feel better now, and physically it did. 

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Cameron closed the last file and dropped her head to the table in frustration. Emily sighed, "Another dead end Hotch, we got nothing." 

Cameron lifted her head, "Wrong again. How could we be wrong again? It just made…" Her eyes were blurring in frustration. 

Hotch cut her off, "It happens, you try to get it right but they get away from you now and then. This is a very sick individual with a twisted mind, no wonder he's hard to find." 

_Sick. He's sick, with an actual illness, not a mental illness. A… medical illness_. The wheels in Cameron's mind began to turn and she jumped up suddenly. "Hotch!" This outburst startled the exhausted officers. "I need to call Garcia." 

Hotch picked up the phone and dialed her office number, "Why? Did you find something?" 

She took the receiver, "No, but I just realized something, we were—" she was interrupted by Garcia's voice on the other line. 

"Hello, Garcia? This is Cameron Mansfield, you met me yesterday?" 

'_Of course_ _kitty cat, what can I do for you?'_

"Remember the hospitals you found for us today? Well I need you to go back into the database and run a search for me. Look up syphilis cases in male patients, focus on the older ones, ten or twenty years ago, alright?" 

'_It's as good as done. Her royal greatness will get back to you in less then five minutes.' _

Hotch and Emily were still trying to decrypt what she was getting at, "Cameron what're you thinking?" Emily asked. 

"Spencer and I were wrong, but we were on the right track. You see, when I worked with the NYPD I remember hearing about this case. This man had neurosyphilis, but it was left untreated and it started to eat away at parts of his brain. This happened rapidly and when it did… he lost complete control." 

Hotch's eyes widened, "You think an STD started all this?" 

"We'll have to wait and see if Garcia finds anything. But if it's happened before, it will happen again. Isn't that the very nature of profiling?" 

Emily and Hotch both nodded. "So this type of syphilis can manifest this way, like a psychiatric condition?" Emily asked. 

Cameron nodded, "And it's progression would probably mimic a psych patient going off their meds. Look, I know it's a long shot but—" She was interrupted by a telephone ring. 

'_You're gonna love me for this.'_

Cameron smiled, "Good news?" 

'_Only the best for you. Martin Luna, a 37 year old man, total loner, he fits the profile. I'm faxing you his medical records as we speak.'_

"Penelope, you are…just terrific." That woman was a magician with the computer. 

'_Don't I know it. Here if you need me.'_

She hung up the phone and walked over to the ancient fax machine, "We have a new lead, Garcia's faxing me his medical history." 

"Cameron this seems like a long shot, maybe we should look—" 

"Shh! Just listen, Martin Luna aged 37. In college he was bounced out of the clinic with script for penicillin after his STD panel came back positive for Syphilis. Pharmaceutical logs showed that he never filled that prescription and never sought treatment after that." 

"Bit of a stretch don't you think?" Hotch asked dubiously. 

"Let's hope not. Give me a second to finish. He fits the rest of the profile, never married, no children. He just moved to the neighboring town two months ago and is collecting unemployment. And, get this, he's a registered sex offender. He did two years for possession for child pornography." 

"Wait, he's not a pedophile?" Emily asked. 

"He probably dabbles in all aspects of that twisted world, a lot of preferential pedophiles do." Cameron turned to Hotch, "You should call the others, this could be our guy." 

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Reid J.J. and Morgan arrived at the police station and the whole team and the Skidmore police department went straight to the address Garcia had provided for Martin Luna. 

The FBI agents got out of the car and donned their vests Cameron hopped out but Hotch stopped her. "Cameron, you aren't an FBI agent and you don't carry a gun. Stay in the car until we secure the apartment, understand?" 

Cameron saluted smartly, "Yes sir." She watched from the car as the team entered the building. 

Hotch banged several times on the door but no one answered, Hotch nodded towards Morgan, "We have reason to enter, Clarissa could be in there." 

Morgan kicked in the door, holding his gun out in front of him, the rest of the team followed suit. It didn't take long to secure the apartment, it was a small, one room apartment that looked like it hadn't seen a vacuum in a while. 

"He's gone. No sign of the girl either." 

Hotch signaled out the window to let Cameron know it was all clear. "Where do you think he took her?" 

"I don't know… Where else could he go?" Morgan said picking up a stack of paper with dark circular scribbles on them. 

J.J. looked over his shoulder, "What the hell is that supposed to be?" Morgan shook his head. 

Cameron cleared her throat, "I don't think he brought Clarissa here." The team eyed her curiously. "Look, newspapers delivered through the mail slot, still by the door and there's one in there that's six days old. He probably hasn't been here in a week." 

Reid walked over and picked up the stack of mail, "Think we have the wrong guy?" 

Cameron shook her head, "No, who would just disappear and leave everything here?" 

Morgan held up the scribbled on pages, "Who does this? This guy must be whacked out of his gourd." 

Hotch and Emily were searching the bedroom for some sort of clue to where he went. "I'm gonna call Garcia and see if she can dig up any more dirt on this scumbag." Morgan left the apartment with cell phone in hand. 

Cameron wandered over to the coffee table, and started looking through the stack of crazy papers. Reid was still standing in the kitchen, opening cupboards and sifting through drawers. 

She glanced quickly in his direction, he had some color back in his face. It was a little suspicious and she tiredly rubbed her neck, "You look like you're feeling better." 

Reid stammered, "Uh, oh yeah, the sleep helped. I think it was what I needed." _Great, I'm lying again, that's just perfect. _"How about you? You must be pretty tired." 

Cameron blinked a few times, "Nope, I'm fine." 

"Oh." 

Hotch and Emily re-entered the living room, "We couldn't find anything that tells us where he went." Emily sighed, "But we did find pictures of the first two kids that went missing." 

Morgan stood in the doorway shaking his head, "If we don't know where he is then we have to send out a search party to find this son of a bitch." 

Hotch nodded, "I'll talk to Officer Malcolm about calling in auxiliary officers to help us look, we should split up and cover the rural areas between towns." 

"No, no search party." Charlie entered the apartment behind Morgan. "We found Clarissa a couple towns over." 

Cameron stood up, "Was Martin with her?" He shook his head. 

"Oh, God." Cameron saw the grim look on Charlie's face. 

They all accepted the reality that finding the victim without the suspect was universally, very bad. This case was no different. 

Hotch finally spoke, "We need to get out there. We'll deal with her parents afterwards, her body is our only source of new evidence." Hotch, J.J., Morgan and Emily filed out of the room along with Officer Malcolm. 

Cameron bit the inside of her cheek and sat down on the couch with her head in her hands. Reid cautiously sat beside her, "You seem upset…Are you okay?" 

She shook her head without removing it from her hands. 

_Nice one Reid, of course she's upset._ "We still have to find Clarissa's killer. It's not over yet." 

She forced herself to look up, "That's funny, it feels like it is." 

He rapidly shook his head, "No, no, it's not. He's in a psychotic break of sorts, and if we don't work fast he could take down multiple victims. It's hard, but you can't lose hope." 

Cameron took a deep breath and looked up, "Isn't that what I told Clarissa's parents?" 

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU'RE ENJOYING THE STORY, ANY FEEDBACK OR SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREAT :D**


	6. Splitting Up

**A/N: This is a pretty long addition to the story. Let me know if you think it's too long and further chapters will be shorter. Again, thank you for reviewing, please continue to do so!!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield**

* * *

With somber expressions the whole team headed out to the stretch of countryside where Clarissa's body had been found. Cameron, Morgan and Hotch sat in one car, and silence hung in the air.

"Aaron, I think I should tell Clarissa's parents." Cameron finally spoke up. _Wow, when did I become such a glutton for punishment. _

Hotch turned around from the front passenger seat, "It's not your responsibility, besides, we need to see the body before the parents can ID it."

"But I should be the one to tell them." She repeated. "And I want to go with them when they go to the morgue."

Hotch shook his head, "No."

"Aaron, I'm really not trying to give you a hard time, I know you have the final say. But no one else wants to do it, and I'm willing. Okay?"

He sighed, "Fine. But you're still coming to the scene, then you can go to their home. The case isn't solved yet, we still have to track down Martin."

"I'm not trying to ditch the case, sir. I'm still working, I get it." Cameron crossed her arms and looked out the window.

Hotch frowned, after all this time Cameron hadn't changed; still as devoted as ever.

The police cruisers pulled up to where they found Clarissa's body. Cameron hesitated slightly before getting out of the car. They walked over to the body, stepping on a layer of crisp white snow. Cameron felt her stomach drop, she saw the limp figure of a little girl lying in the snow. As she got closer she recognized the child as Clarissa. She took a few big steps towards Hotch, without averting her eyes she said, "That's her."

Hotch looked at the Medical Examiner, "How long has she been dead?"

"Hard to say. Maybe a few hours, her body hasn't been here for long, look at the light layer of snow on her. Maybe four hours worth."

"Can you tell us how she died?" Cameron asked, looking away from Clarissa.

"You can see here, her neck was snapped." The M.E. moved her hair away from her neck. "Based on the break I would say he shook her, hard."

Cameron looked at Hotch, "Well that makes sense."

"How's that?"

"Shaking someone till their neck snaps isn't how one goes about killing. Shaking someone till their neck snaps is how someone gets someone else to be quiet."

"You think he panicked because she was crying and—"

"And out of rage and frustration he shook her until she stopped. He probably didn't mean to kill her, the syphilis in his brain made him so angry that he lost control."

"Look at how he left the body," Emily pointed out. "He laid her on a jacket, he obviously took great care to show he regretted his actions."

Cameron cleared her throat and looked at Emily through the early morning darkness, "Exactly, the part of his brain that recognizes morality may be partly functional."

"The part that controls rage and anxiety obviously aren't." Morgan said shaking his head.

The M.E. spoke up, "I'm taking her to the coroners so her parents can ID her."

Cameron looked up, "I should probably get over there. I'll take them to see their daughter when their ready."

The M.E. looked to Hotch, "I'm sure one of the local officers can do it. FBI should be—"

Hotch cut him off, "She'll break the news to Clarissa's parents." He turned to face Cameron, "Deputy Bennett will take you over in the cruiser. The rest of you back to the station, we have a killer who's still out there."

"Wait a minute." Reid walked over to the where the body had just been bagged. Using a pair of the M.E.'s gloves he picked up the coat. "Think this belongs to him?"

Hotch nodded, "Bag it. And bring it to the station, maybe it will gives us another address. We need to find out where he's been staying."

* * *

Cameron stood alone on the Strauss's snowy front porch. She felt dizzy and she was certain that she was about to vomit.

_How do I end up in these situations? Oh yeah, that's right, I ask for them. Now I'm the one that has to destroy this family._

Cameron felt her eyes fog up but she blinked several times, forcing the tears away. _Now's not the time._

The door opened and Cameron looked up, both parents stood at the door looking terribly hopeful.

"Agent Cameron, please come in." Cameron didn't correct the misconception. "Have you found Clarissa? Do you know where she is?"

It was clichéd but Cameron said what every loved one hates to hear, "Maybe we should sit down for a minute?" She sat on a chair hoping to make them more relaxed.

Clarissa's parents sat on the sofa across from Cameron and looked at her hopefully. Clarissa's mother sniffed, "Do you have any idea where she is? Have you found our baby?"

Cameron looked at Mrs. Strauss and shook her head sympathetically, "I'm so sorry. We found her in the countryside just outside of Quitman. Her kidnapper placed her body on a coat in the snow so she would be found quickly." Cameron paused a moment and took a deep breath, "I am so sorry for you loss."

Cameron watched helplessly as Mr. and Mrs. Strauss clung to each other, sobbing they both dissolved in grief.

Some time had passed and Cameron remained silent while the parents sat on the couch crying. Finally, Mr. Strauss looked at her, "Can you take us to see our daughter?"

Cameron nodded, "Of course, I'll take you there now. Let me grab your coats."

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Morgan was sitting at the table in the police station sorting through the contents of Martin's pockets. "This guy is a pack-rat. Receipts from two months ago, three packs of mints, a roll of film… and look at this: a key card for a motel room in Elmo."

"Elmo? That's 24.5 miles from here. Far enough to avoid detection, close enough to remain in his comfort zone." Reid said looking back and forth between Hotch and Morgan.

"You think he's still there?" Emily asked raising an eyebrow.

"There's only one way to find out, we go to Elmo and see if he's there." Hotch stood up and led Morgan, Emily and Reid out of the police station.

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

The M.E. stood next to Cameron in silence while the Strauss looked at the body belonging to their daughter.

"That's her, that's our Clarissa." The father took a deep shuddering breath.

The mother sniffed and stood silently before finally speaking, "What…what did he do to her? Did that man touch our daughter?"

The M.E. shook his head and Cameron explained, "No, not this type of offender."

"How—how did she die?"

"He snapped her neck." The M.E. answered curtly.

Cameron gave him a withering stare, and returned her attention to the parents, "We think he shook your daughter, maybe to make her be quiet."

The mom choked down a sob, "Did she su—suff…"

Cameron reached out to touch her arm, "A broken neck would have taken her instantly. She didn't feel any pain."

Mrs. Strauss started to cry and hyperventilate, and her husband held her tight.

"I'm taking them out of here." Cameron said, leading the couple to a set of chairs outside the room. After a few minutes Mrs. Strauss had calmed down again.

"Do you want me to call someone? Or can I get you guys anything, water or some tea?"

Mr. Strauss shook his head, "No. I think my wife needs to get home."

Cameron stood up, "Let me take you back."

Mrs. Strauss looked up, "You need to find the man who killed our daughter. That's all that matters anymore. You need to be out there looking for him. We'll find another way home."

Cameron was about to insist when the M.E.'s assistant walked over and offered to drive the Strauss's home. They accepted and Cameron briskly left the building and slid into the cruiser beside Deputy Bennett.

"Officer Malcolm came on the radio, told me they were headed out to a motel in Elmo, they think Martin might be there."

"Okay, what are we waiting for?"

"You know that you have to stay in the car until—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, can we go already?"

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Hotch used the card key to enter the hotel room, and it was a mess. No food, no clothes, the bed linens were everywhere and there was water all over the bathroom floor. But Martin was no where to be seen.

Prentiss lowered her gun, "Great, where'd he go now?" No one bothered to answer, they just paced back and forth and looked around for yet another clue.

No more then ten minutes later Cameron stepped into the room.

"I never told you the room was clear." Hotch said, shaking his head.

"I assumed it was." Cameron responded and moved on, "His van's here."

"No it's not we checked." Morgan refuted.

"He's parked out back."

Reid looked out the window, "If his van is here he couldn't have gone too far."

"The motel has a picnic area right beside the woods. Maybe in his current state he wandered into the woods and got lost."

"It's more likely he took another little girl in there with him." Officer Malcolm said entering the room.

"What are you talking about Charlie?"

"There's a family staying two rooms down. Woke up this morning and their seven year old daughter was missing. Apparently she's an early riser and probably went out to play in snow. My bet is he took her."

Hotch nodded, "No doubt. We have to search the woods. Call any nearby canine units, even if it takes a while for them to get here. Let's move."

Hotch didn't bother trying to stop Cameron from searching the woods. Within half an hour every officer in the area was searching the woods alongside the FBI.

Cameron stomped over the snow beside Morgan, whom she was partnered with. "Do you think we'll find her?" She asked as they continued uphill.

"I don't know."

"I mean how far could they have gotten on foot?"

"It depends, we have a lot of woods to cover." Morgan continued forwards.

"You think we'll be able to get to her in time?"

"I can't promise you that. I hope we do, but sometimes we don't."

"Yeah, I noticed." Cameron frowned weakly.

"It's no one's fault, you understand that right?"

"If I could have figured it out just a little sooner, Clarissa—"

"Cameron, sometimes we miss the mark. You did the best you could."

Cameron opened her mouth to say that it wasn't enough, when she spotted a pair of children's boots in the snow. "She must have kicked these off while he was dragging her. Or maybe she was leaving a trail."

Morgan picked them up, "All this blowing snow destroyed the footprints."

"We just can't buy a break." Cameron frowned, "Well he only could have gone one of two directions, I'll go this way, and you go that way."

"You're not supposed—" Morgan protested.

"We have to find her, it's cold, she's not wearing any shoes and she's with a murderer. I curve right so I'll probably meet up with the others anyways."

Morgan sighed but headed off in the other direction anyways.

Cameron pushed her bangs off her face while the wind blew like crazy, making her eyes water. She was practically blind because she could barely see through the whiteout conditions. She saw a figure about fifty feet away and she heard them calling her name.

It was Reid calling her, "Cameron? Cameron!"

Cameron stumbled through the snow is his direction, "Where are Emily and Hotch?"

"They decided to go the other way. Why are you by yourself?"

"Morgan and I found her boots. We split up; we knew one of us would find them."

"We should stick together. You shouldn't be wandering the woods alone and unarmed. Morgan shouldn't have let you go off on your own."

Cameron continued to walk through the piercing snow, "We didn't have another choice and I'm fine, I can hold my own."

"I know, I didn't mean you coul— I know you're…I'm sorry." Reid babbled helplessly.

Cameron picked up the pace a little, "Spencer don't be sorry. It's fine, I can hardly see though, I would have been pretty screwed had I found them alone."

Reid nodded and they continued in a general direction stopping occasionally to see if they knew they could see anything. They were walking rather slowly when they heard a noise.

Cameron spun quickly, "What was that?"

Reid squinted through the snow, "I don't know, sounded like someone yelling."

"Should we call her name?"

"No, it might scare him away. I think the yelling's coming from that direction." He pointed to the left a little.

Cameron started to run through the snow when Reid grabbed her hand, "Stay behind me okay?" She nodded and he pulled his gun out of it's holster.

The moved hurriedly in the direction of the man's yelling. As they got closer they also heard the sound of the little girl crying. Cameron pulled Reid behind a tree and pointed, "Look over there."

Reid nodded, "Stay here and call Hotch, tell him to head Northwest. I'm going to move in closer so we don't lose him."

Cameron pulled out her cell phone and dialed. "Hotch, I'm with Reid, we found Martin and he still has Karen with him. Head Northwest and you'll find us." She hung up before he had a chance to say anything.

"Reid?" She called out quietly to see if he was near. When he didn't respond she groaned and ran off after him.

It didn't take her long to catch up with him, "Spencer!" She hissed at him.

He spun around, "I told you to stay back there."

"Before that you said to stick together, so that's what I'm doing. It's easier to apprehend a suspect who still has a living victim this way."

Reid shook his head, she was impossible. "Please, just stay behind me, please."

Cameron and Reid stood back and watched as Martin pushed the little girl backwards in the snow. She tried to scurry away but he grabbed her arm again.

Cameron held up her hands and walked quickly towards Martin. Reid reached out to pull her back, but she slipped through his grasp.

"Martin! Let her go." Cameron yelled. Reid darted out from behind the tree. He stood beside Cameron and pointed his gun at Martin.

He started howling, "Get away from me, you… you people!"

Cameron shook her head, "I can't do that Martin. You took another little girl. You have to give her back." Reid knew this was a bad idea but he stood his ground.

Martin tightened his grip making Karen cry harder, "Leave me alone! She's mine; I'm not giving her to you."

"You don't want to do this Martin. We have the upper hand, and this isn't going to end well for you."

Martin pushed Karen up against a tree and held her neck with his forearm. Cameron and Reid moved forwards.

She softened her voice, "I know you didn't mean to hurt Clarissa! You're sick, you have a disease in your brain. You would never have hurt her if you weren't sick." Cameron tried to remain firm, but her hands were shaking. "Let her go. You're not a bad person, you're a sick person and it doesn't have to end this way."

He tossed Karen aside, "I didn't mean to hurt her! She wouldn't be quiet! They were going to find us."

Reid kept his gun pointed and Cameron was now a few feet away from him. Karen had managed to scamper away behind a large boulder. "I know that and the FBI knows. If you just come with me we can fix this."

Cameron lowered her hands and Reid kept the gun aimed at Martin. She stepped forwards and took firm hold of his right arm and grabbed the handcuffs off Reid's belt. She cuffed one hand and before she could get the second Martin grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her like a ragdoll, hard against a tree.

Reid aimed to fire but just before he could Cameron used Martin's weight as leverage to propel him back around the tree. She pushed him full force against the tree, giving his head a good knock.

Reid moved in closer and grabbed her arm, "Are you alright?" He asked urgently.

"I'm fine." She slapped on the other handcuff and forced Martin to a sitting position. "You got him?" Reid nodded and Cameron ran through the snow towards Karen.

The little girl poked her head our from behind a rock. "Hello there sweetheart, are you okay?"

She nodded and Cameron knelt down in the snow, "You're alright now. We're gonna take you back to your parents as soon as my friends show up."

Karen threw her arms around her and Cameron hugged back. She lifted Karen onto her lap so her bare feet wouldn't be in the snow.

As soon as Reid noticed the team quickly approaching he waved them over. Hotch and Officer Malcolm quickly took hold of Martin and Malcolm read him his rights. Morgan and Emily ran over to where Cameron and Karen were sitting. Morgan handed Karen her boots, "Here you go kiddo." Emily took Karen by the hand and they started back towards the motel.

Morgan held out his hand to help Cameron up, and she brushed snow off her pants, they were soaking wet. "Thanks."

"You okay? Reid said you got roughed up a little."

"I'm fine. He pushed me and I pushed him back harder." Cameron said with a smile.

"Tough girl huh? I guess it's a good thing we split up."

Morgan walked away to help Hotch escort Martin back through the woods.

Cameron walked over to Reid who was blankly watching everyone head back to the motel. She touched his arm, "Come on Spencer, lets head back."

Reid glanced at her sideways, "You really shouldn't have done that, you…you could have gotten hurt."

"I'm fine, don't worry about me so much."

"I can't help it." He turned red, "I…I just…sorry." He looked adorably embarrassed.

Cameron smiled and grabbed his arm and turned to face him, "You had my back. I knew I'd be fine."

"I'm a bad shot, ask anyone." Reid looked away but she gently turned his head back, "Hey, everything is fine, I'm fine, Karen's fine. Everything's going to be alright."

He looked away, "You did a really good job, you know that?"

Cameron looked down; she didn't know what to say. Nothing had changed.

"I'm sorry that I'm leaving." She said lamely.

His eyes were unbearably sad, and she wondered if he was ready to talk. She never planned on staying. But how could she walk away knowing what he was going through? Her helping him wasn't dependant on joining the BAU right?

She linked her arm to his and smiled, guiding him back through the woods. "We can just enjoy each other's company for now."

Reid secretly, well maybe not so secretly, hoped she would have a change of heart and stay.

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**PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU'RE ENJOYING THE STORY, ANY FEEDBACK OR SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREAT :D**


	7. Throw the Fight

**A/N: Hello readers! This is a short chapter that basically sums up the case. Thanks again for reading and please continue! Reviews are like sunshine :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

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Tracking down Martin and Karen in the woods turned out to be the start of a very long day for the BAU. A lot of paperwork, a press conference, one on ones with the victims and their families and the case was finally wrapped up.

The team was sitting around the police station, it was late and their flight had been delayed until noon the next day because of a bad snow squall. Hotch had managed to keep their rooms at the motel for another night. Everyone was hanging around and talking about the case and Cameron was about to get a major wake up call.

It was nearly 8 o'clock when Jim and Nancy Strauss walked into the Skidmore Police Station. Their completely reasonable grief had quickly escalated into slightly less reasonable anger.

Cameron was the first to take notice and instinctively stood up and walked over to them, "Mr. and Mrs. Strauss, what are you doing here, is everything alright?"

Mr. Strauss stepped forward in a manner that was almost menacing, "Our daughter is dead, Agent. So everything is not alright." Once again she didn't find it appropriate to correct them.

She mentally kicked herself, _what an insensitive thing to ask. _"I'm sorry, I know this is a very hard time for you."

Mrs. Strauss shook her head, "You bitch. You don't know anything!"

The officers respectfully moved into the back room and Hotch stepped forwards but Cameron discreetly shook her head.

"I can't imagine what you're going through."

"You promised," Mr. Strauss spoke up. "You promised you'd find Clarissa and bring her home."

Cameron did her best to ignore the unimpressed look on Hotch's face.

Cameron's eyes were sympathetic, "What I said was that—"

"You said you could find her! You told us we should trust you. We trusted you!" Mrs. Strauss shouted at her.

Cameron looked positively ill, she started stammering, "I… I didn't want you to lose faith." Her voice was even softer then normal.

"We had faith!" Mrs. Strauss grabbed Cameron's arm tightly, "You gave us false hope. You made us think there was something where there was nothing!" She said this through gritted teeth.

Mr. Strauss spoke up again. His voice was calm but cold, "You didn't even have a lead when you talked to us. Even when you came up with something, you were still wrong. By the time you got it right, that man had already hurt our daughter."

By now Nancy was crying while she yelled, "We were stupid for ever listening to you! You took her! You took our daughter from us!" She tightened her grip on Cameron's arm.

Cameron felt tears welling up but choked them down again. "No I didn't." She didn't try to pull her arm away. "You need someone to blame. You don't consider Martin fully responsible because he's sick. That's why you're blaming me, and that's why you're blaming yourselves."

Nancy shook her head but Cameron continued in an impossibly gentle voice. "You've blamed yourself from the beginning. Trust me; I know what that's like." Cameron looked her in the eyes and the grip on her arm was slightly loosened.

"I'm sorry your daughter's gone. I'm so sorry. But I wouldn't have told you that we'd get her back if I didn't believe it myself. I honestly thought we'd get to her in time. I was wrong. But it wouldn't have done you any good to spend these past two days without hope, thinking she was already gone."

There was a moment of treacherous silence but finally, Nancy completely let go of her arm, and she started to sob, "But she's gone now." She was shaking with grief and pulled herself towards Cameron, she continued to sob on Cameron's shoulder.

Cameron's eyes clouded over yet again and without hesitating she wrapped her arms tightly around Clarissa's mother who began to cry even harder. Mr. Strauss stood a little behind his wife while silent tears rolled down his cheeks. Cameron reached out one hand and squeezed his tightly. Mr. Strauss nodded his head and looked back towards the ground. Cameron's heart ached for this couple, they had to rebuild their lives again. She blinked rapidly to keep from crying.

No one could really say how long they stood like that, but, in time, the Strauss' were ready to go back home and try to work through their grief. Holding each others hands the couple headed out the door. Before leaving Mr. Strauss turned back to Cameron and gave her a hug. "Thank you." He said to her and then they broke away and walked out the door with his wife.

Cameron couldn't believe he thanked her, after everything that had happened, he was thanking her. She just stood their numbly for a few minutes, in that time the team had joined the officers in back room.

She rubbed her eyes and grabbed her jacket as she walked out of the police station. She stood outside in the dark and breathed in the ice cold air. Despite not having slept in 45 hours she felt consumed by energy. She began to pace back and forth across the parking lot. She finally walked over to Officer Malcolm's unlocked car, opened the door and pulled out the snow brush.

Morgan watched though the window in bewilderment as she brushed the snow off the car and scrapped the ice off of the windows. He just shook his head and returned to the back room with everyone else. Officer Malcolm approached him, "Did you see where Cameron went? I wanted to talk to her."

Morgan nodded, "Yeah, she's outside cleaning you car man."

Charlie scratched his head, "What?"

Morgan shrugged and held up his hands.

Officer Malcolm grabbed his coat and headed out into the snow to talk to Cameron.

He approached her crunching in the snow loudly so not to startle her. "Why are you cleaning my car? I thought I owed you a favor."

Cameron sighed, "I needed to burn off some energy."

Malcolm smiled, "I need to keep you around."

"You should go home and see your family." Cameron faked a smile, "Your car's clean and they just plowed the roads."

"Thanks for that." He said with a grin. "How are you going to get to the motel?"

"I'm going with the BAU, we should be leaving soon."

"You leave noon tomorrow and I'm working so I'll say goodbye now." Charlie gave her a goodbye hug.

She held on tight, "See you around."

Cameron waved Malcolm off as he drove away in his car and she slowly headed back indoors. One officer was answering the phone and the other was headed out on a call. The team was packing up all the case folders and their personal belongings. Cameron walked past them and avoided looking at anyone. "Could someone let me know when we're leaving? Thanks." She walked into the empty back room. Reid stood up and followed behind her.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his features creased with concern.

She turned around to face him. "I'm fine." She said firmly and shut the door in his face because she didn't feel like talking.

Reid stood there looking dumbfounded while whole team noticed the happenings but wisely decided to let it go. Except for Morgan, who walked over to Reid and shook his head. "Okay, she's turning out to be a handful."

Reid turned away from the door to face him. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm just saying, the girl's got some issues. Don't get me wrong, she's nice. But... You see how she's been acting?"

Reid frowned, "Come on man, give her a break. She's had a rough day and she hasn't slept. You'd be cranky too."

_She was more then cranky just now. _"We've all had a rough day Reid."

"Not like her."

Morgan rolled his eyes, "You're defending her kid? This is very interesting."

Reid crossed his arms and frowned, "It's not that interesting."

Morgan switched the topic, "You think she'll change her mind when Hotch offers her a job again?"

"What are you talking about?"

"On the way to the Luna's motel Hotch told me he was still trying to get her to change her mind."

Reid shook his head, "She won't take it." He said simply.

"You don't know that."

"Trust me, there's no way she'll stay."

Lying on the table in the back room Cameron closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She had done everything possible right? Even so, she didn't belong with the BAU, that was clear. But she wasn't about to throw this fight, she still had one more person she owed herself to.

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**A/N: Let me know what you thought! **


	8. Maybe

**A/N: Here is chapter 8, enjoy! To my only current reviewer, thanks :D I worked really hard on this chapter and it's my favorite so please read and review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

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By the time the BAU and Cameron arrived at the motel, the snow was starting to fall.

By the time the BAU and Cameron arrived at the snow had started falling again. J.J., Reid and Morgan went straight to their rooms while Hotch, Emily and Cameron went to go check in.

Emily held up her key and smiled, "Well, I'm going to hit the hay. See you guys tomorrow."

"Sleep well!" Cameron called after her and headed off with Hotch in the direction of their rooms. When they stopped at their rooms Hotch didn't let her go in, "We need to talk about what happened today."

Cameron frowned, "If this is about splitting up with Morgan, and not listening to Reid, I'm sorry, it wasn't my place to ignore directions."

Hotch shook his head, "No Cameron, this is about you making promises you can't keep."

She crossed her arms, "I'm sorry. I know I handled the situation differently from you and your team, but they needed hope and it was all I could do for them."

"I know it's hard to break bad news to families—"

"Not as hard as hearing it." She shot back.

"Making statements like that put you in a very vulnerable position. You got too invested and you ended up thinking you could control the uncontrollable. It was just unprofessional—"

Cameron shook her head and frowned, "You do realize that none of this is your problem right?"

"I'm only trying to make sure that there isn't some external factor that's making you blame yourself."

"You profilers never take a day off do you?"

"I'm sorry?"

Cameron crossed her arms, "Between you and Reid, you've got me all figured out, haven't you?"

"We don't intra-team profile."

"Well then I guess it's fortunate for you that I'm not on the team. It leaves you free to interrogate me."

"I think that if you tell me what's affecting your performance, maybe we can fix it." His micromanagement tendency had overridden his respect for privacy.

"Right." Cameron's face was shadowed by the moon and looked distinctly haunted. "You know what, you should really stop worrying about my performance and take the night off." She unlocked her room and quickly slid inside.

Cameron sat down on the bed in her hotel room, she was physically exhausted. She removed her coat and sweater, she was about to remove her blouse when she noticed that the room was freezing. She walked over to the thermostat and it wouldn't turn on.

After placing a call to the front desk, she learned that the heater was in fact broken and someone would be in to fix it tomorrow. _A lot of good that does me._ She was also informed that there were no extra rooms but that two of her colleagues were in double rooms, one of them was Emily, and the other had to be Reid, J.J. or Morgan.

She headed to Emily's room first, but she could see through the blinds that her lights were already out. Cameron dragged her bag to the next room and when she knocked it was Reid who answered the door.

She gave a pitiful smile, "Can I sleep here?" She asked as he ushered her into his room. "The heater in my room is broken."

Reid's eyes got wide, "Uh… su… sure, there are two beds in here."

"Thank you Spencer," she paused momentarily, "I'm going to go change." She pointed at the bathroom.

She turned on the sink and splashed her face with cold water. She rubbed her eyes and pushed her bangs off her face. She changed into a grey pair of sweats and a red tank top. Before she went back into the room she put on a black ribbed cardigan for the sake of warmth and modesty.

Reid was watching the news on the small TV in the room. Cameron stood beside him and they watched the press release J.J. had given earlier that night. Neither of them spoke, Reid glanced at her and then nervously looked away. When the news went to commercial Cameron laid down on one of the beds and stared up at the ceiling.

"You can change it." Reid offered, holding out the remote.

"It's okay." She replied shutting her eyes.

"I'll turn off the light and let you get some sleep."

She sat up quickly, "Spencer," she ran her hand through her hair, "Do you want to go for a walk?"

He squinted, "What— now? It's nighttime, and it's snowing."

"So? We're not going to melt." She was already putting on her coat. Reid just shrugged and did the same.

* * *

The two of them walked down the sidewalk, then down a long path that ran through the town's playground. The storm hadn't really started yet and the snow was just falling softly. For once Reid was the first one to speak up, "I'm uh— sorry about how I spoke to you yesterday. It wasn't right and I didn't mean to be so...mean."

Cameron smiled, "Don't worry about it." She blinked nervously, the anxiety over what she was about to do had stressing her out for the past few days. She walked over to a park bench, using the sleeve of her coat she cleared it off and sat down, Reid sat down beside her. She pushed some snow around with her boots.

"When I lived in L.A., I was a drug rehabilitation counselor." This was all she said, like it was nothing at all.

Reid suddenly became interested in his own boots, he could tell that she knew; there was no doubt in his mind. Strangely enough, he was feeling more relief then panic.

After a few moments of silence and neither of them knowing what to say Cameron decided that she wasn't going to say anything else, she didn't need to.

Instead she knelt down in the snow beside him, and with some effort, she pushed up the left sleeve of his jacket and his shirt. He made no attempt to stop her. She looked at the small track marks on his arm and tenderly ran her fingers down his forearm and lightly held his hand. He didn't push her away, he didn't even move. She laid her head across his forearm and closed her eyes. He looked down at her quicky and closed his eyes too. The only noise he could hear was the snow falling around them.

After a long while, Cameron finally lifted her head and the snow was falling like crazy and the wind was picking up. She pulled herself up and put a hand on Reid's shoulder. Startled, he opened his eyes and looked up at her. His eyes were dull and glassy, and there were tear drops lingering between his eyelashes. She smiled softly, "Come on, let's head back."

They walked back to his motel room through a blizzard and neither of them said a single word. The snow was white and sparkly, covering the town like a fresh blanket, like a clean start.

They arrived back at the motel and Cameron sat in a chair shaking the snow out of her hair while Reid watched her intently. Cameron stood up and rubbed her hands together, "You don't have to say a word, okay?" She walked over to him and put her arms around him, pulling him close to her body, "You're going to be okay now."

He stood numbly for a moment, his hands at his sides. He soon gave in though wrapped his arms around her waist, completing the hug. She seemed so hopeful and for the first time, he believed he might actually be okay again. Maybe.

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**A/N: Please review! Any feedback would be... just swell :D**


	9. The Longest Darkest Tunnels

**A/N: ****Hope you guys are enjoying, thanks for the support. Ifyou are reading, please review... it makes me happy :D**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I own Cameron Mansfield.**

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The next morning, Cameron was the first one in the room to wake up. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was already 9:30 am. But since they weren't leaving till noon, she rolled over and gave sleep one more shot. About five minutes later she rolled out of bed to answer the door.

It was Emily standing there looking surprised, "You're…not Reid."

Cameron smiled nervously and started buttoning her sweater, "No I'm not, but the heater in my room was broken and there were no other rooms available."

Emily looked at her curiously, "Okay... We're going to get some breakfast, do guys want to come?"

Cameron looked back at Reid who was still sleeping, and based on last night, he needed it, "He's actually fast asleep. I think I stay and make sure he gets up on time to catch the plane."

"Alright, well see you at 11 then." Emily said with a smile and walked down to the car.

An hour and a bit later Reid woke up to the sound of singing coming from the bathroom. He smiled, it was a nice sound to wake up to. He sat up and felt that his sheets, pajamas and his hair were soaked with sweat. This is what he had to look forward to, he felt weak from lack of sleep and not eating.

A few minutes later she walked out of the bathroom, she was consciously dressed casually, in a pair of jeans and a navy blouse.

"Good morning." Cameron said with a smile as she combed her hair.

"Mmhmm," He stood up and rubbed his head. He hadn't felt this bad before. He tossed and turned all night, he wasn't sure when he finally fell asleep but it was after 6.

Cameron looked concerned, "Are you okay?"

He nodded, grabbed his bag and headed into the bathroom. The shower started up and she sat cross legged on the bed eating a granola bar. A few minutes later the water stopped and she could hear Reid vomiting through the door.

Cameron bit her lip and knocked softly on the door, "Spencer?"

A few seconds later Reid opened it, looking white as a sheet. Her eyes saddened as she pushed wet hair off of his face. "So," she asked as she sat on his bed, "how long has it been?"

He dragged himself over and sat down, "Uh… night before last." He rocked his legs up and down.

Cameron realized that she figured that out that when his demeanor had gone from aggravated to considerate the night they had cracked the case.

He looked at her with foggy eyes, "I'm sorry. I know we were still working the case, I— just couldn't think and I felt l—"

Cameron shook her head and held up a hand, "It's alright. I can't imagine what this is like for you." She paused for a moment. "But I know you'll get through it. You're in better shape then you should be for 36 hour's withdrawal."

He mumbled downwards, "Great."

"I hate to do this, but I just want you to know that you're going to feel worse as time passes."

He nodded, trying to fight off the shivers. She handed him a bottle of water and ordered him to drink while she rummaged through her purse on the floor.

He was dehydrated from sweating and downed the water a little too fast and his hand flew to his mouth, and he made a few little gasps "I think I'm going to t—"

She jumped up and sat beside him, "No your not." She rubbed his back soothingly.

When he felt better he turned to her and smiled weakly, "Thank you."

She smiled back and handed him a few pills, "We need to catch our plane soon. So, here, take these."

Reid squinted, "What are you giving me?"

She pointed to one pill, "Gravol, hopefully it will keep you from puking your brains out on the flight home." She pointed to the second one, "It's Ativan, it should help calm you down."

His curious nature made him ask, "What are you doing with Ativan?"

She ignored the question, "You're pulse is racing, you've hardly slept, you're jumpy and you're shivering." Cameron knew giving him Ativan wasn't exactly the most responsible thing she'd ever done but she knew it would help for the time being. "It will minimize some of the symptoms for the time being, it won't stop the withdrawal."

Reid nodded, "I know that."

* * *

It was a quiet flight back to Quantico, Reid had covered up the withdrawal with a story about the flu, and the team seemed to buy it. He was handling himself considerably well, thanks in part to the medicine.

They arrived back at Quantico at around 4 that afternoon. Reid was in a panic because he didn't know what to tell Hotch, so Cameron assured him that she would deal with it. He didn't want her to tell him and so she promised that she wouldn't.

Reid was also determined to finish his report like everyone else and since Cameron didn't have a report to write, she mostly stayed with Garcia in her office.

It was nearly six before everyone was ready to head home. J.J. and Emily were the first to leave. Reid and Morgan sat in the bullpen waiting for Garcia, Morgan's ride home.

"You better not get me sick kid."

Reid shrugged, "It wouldn't be my fault if I'm contagious." He **hated **lying to Morgan, but after months of doing it, he was relieved that this would be the last time.

Cameron stood anxiously outside the slightly opened door to Hotch's office. "May I come in?"

He waved her in and offered her a seat, which she took.

"I suppose you're going home now."

She nodded, caught her breath and launched into the apology she had been anxiously practicing with Garcia in her office, "Aaron, I am so sorry about last night. It was completely out of line, you were doing a me favor. You're my friend and I should have never spoke to you that way, I was just—"

"Frustrated?" Hotch interrupted. "You had every right to be and truth be told, I didn't help the situation." He could tell that whatever was distressing her hadn't gone away, but he could also tell when a person wasn't ready to talk. This was one of those times.

Cameron smiled, "So, we're still friends?"

He nodded and after a moments consideration he asked, "How're you doing?"

"It's been a long few days." She held up her hands, "I don't know how you guys do it."

Hotch shrugged, "You get through it, there's always a light at the end of even the longest, darkest tunnels." He paused, "Cameron I want you to know you did good work here."

"Aaron, I'm not saying that if this case had ended differently I would have changed my mind. But I brought the FBI this case. I was convinced that I could help and I failed. That's just proof that I don't belong here."

He frowned, "Failed? No. Cameron, catching an UnSub who is spiraling out of control, that's a long way from failing around here. We couldn't get to a victim in time, but we stopped him from hurting another. Sometimes that's all we can really do."

Cameron stood up, "Yeah, well, I guess I can't handle that." She gave a faint smile and extended her hand, "It was good seeing you again Aaron."

He shook her hand, "I hope you'll give my offer some more thought."

Cameron stopped at the door before leaving her hand resting on the doorknob, "Just so you know, I'm going to take Dr. Reid home. If it is the flu, then he's contagious. He'll be fine, but he wants to play it safe. I'm going to drive him home and I wouldn't expect him to be in for the rest of the week."

Hotch was grateful they decided that, unless she felt it was absolutely necessary, he would continue to 'not know' about the drugs. He nodded, "Okay, I'll make a note in his file."

"See you around Aaron. If you need anything, I'm not leaving Virginia just yet."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked! Please read and review :D The next chapter should be a bit heavier and longer, have a nice day**


	10. Let It Be

**A.N: Reid's big detox scene, hope you enjoy. Thankyou to to those who've been reviewing! Please review if you're reading. I'd appreciate the feedback!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

* * *

After a long and treacherous drive, Cameron and Reid arrived at his townhouse. She drove cautiously and in silence because he was pretty much out of it. He just sat limply and said or word or two here and there. Cameron tended to like talking to fill in the silence, when no one was talking, it was just gave her too much time to think.

Not to her surprise he was in pretty bad shape by the time she got him home. The meds she gave him before had been wearing off the whole day and he was experiencing full-fledged detox for the first time.

With her arm around his waist she gently walked him upstairs to his bedroom. He sat on the bed while she rummaged through his drawers looking for some pajamas.

"Camr… I…think I'm…go...onna be…sick."

She calmly walked into the bathroom and grabbed the waste bin. She placed it beside him and he instantly threw up. She rubbed his back again until he was finished. She gently stroked his face, it was sweaty and his eyes were bloodshot.

She helped him out of his cardigan and shirt and into a clean T-shirt. She did the same to help him into his pajama bottoms.

"Come on, you need to lie down." She pulled down the covers and helped him into bed.

His voice was weak and watery, "Tha…thanks."

She rubbed his arms up and down and told him she had to leave for a while to pick up some things from the CVS. It was already snowing and freezing rain was on the way and she didn't want to leave him later.

With all her hurrying the few errands she had to do took her nearly 45 minutes. She returned to his house, a couple bags in hand and wet hair. She dumped the groceries on the counter and hurried upstairs to check on Reid.

He was curled up small in his bed sweating like crazy and shivering all at once. She sat down beside him and tried to pull the blanket away.

He mumbled in protest, "No…no. It's too cold."

She frowned, "Sorry. I'm sorry, I know you're cold but your clothes are soaking wet."

His eyes were closer tight, "I'll be o…okay."

Cameron sighed, it went against her better judgment but she let him be. Besides, what he really needed was to sleep. She poured out a fair dose of cough medicine, hopeful that he could sleep through the worse part. In California she learned that cough medicine was the go-to for cold turkey detox. It isn't exactly a miracle, but it helped.

She helped him sit up and his hand was shaking so bad she had to hold it to keep from spilling the sticky red liquid. She couldn't help grinning at the childishly sour face he made after swallowing the medicine. She held out a glass of water but quickly pulled it away, "Sip slowly, okay?"

He was in misery, and he never could have imagined how bad this was going to be. His legs felt like they were being torn apart. But he was still hanging in there, barely. He also didn't expect he would be so grateful to have another person with him, witnessing him in this frail position. She was strangely calm and reassuring and when she got back from the CVS, she barely left the room for the rest of the night.

As for Reid, he was in and out of sleep. Either the leg pain, or nausea or the fact that he couldn't warm himself, something would always wake him up.

He only heard her leave once to make herself some tea. She mustn't have left him alone too often, because each time he woke up, she was there, giving him a sip of PowerAde or offering to help him change into dry pajamas.

She never seemed to tire, she would either be checking his pulse or taking his temperature, which was too high. She was glad to have something to do, something that occupied her mind.

It was around midnight and the wind was howling wildly outside, the freezing rain had started up. Cameron had dragged a kitchen chair upstairs and she'd been in and out of it for hours. Reid was moaning and Cameron knelt next to his bed. His whole body was trembling from spasms and he was clutching his stomach.

"How're you feeling? Tell me what's wrong." For the first time, she seemed to panic, her eyes were alert with concern.

He winced, and sounded dazed, "My stomach is killing me. I—I can't st…stop shaking."

Cameron tried to calm her voice, "It's okay, it's okay." She repeated. She hesitated a moment and went around to the other side of the bed, climbing in beside him. His body was in a complete state of unrest. She wrapped her arms around him and held tight. It took some time but the shivering and tremors subsided and he felt comfort and relief with her arms around him.

Through the haze of pain he was amazed by how right it felt to have her lying next to him. Her firm hold helped the shivering, her body providing him with warmth. She lent her hand for him to hold while the pain in his legs and stomach continued through the night. When the pain got bad, her mere presence provided him with a startling amount of relief.

As for Cameron, she couldn't manage to sleep so she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of him breathing deeply.

The pain and the nausea came in varying levels of severity all night. And she never left his side, unless it was to get him some water to rinse out his mouth or to pour him so more cough syrup. It was after 4 am and he was throwing up again, he was mumbling and whimpering words of nothingness. She was alarmed by how incoherent he was. Anxious she laid her head on the pillow beside his and grasped his hand. She sang softly into the darkness of the night.

'_When I find myself in times trouble, Mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom: Let it be. And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me. Speaking words of wisdom: Let it be.'_

His body began to still and he fought his body's desire to rest, he wanted to move, say something, but he couldn't. So let himself drift asleep while her voice filled up the silence of the room. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

'_Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom: Let it be._

_And when the broken hearted people, living in this world agree, there will be an answer let it be.'_

Her eyes were brimming with tears, and he was breathing loudly, asleep once again. She pulled him closer, holding him a little tighter to her body. She closed her eyes and allowed only a few tears to roll down her pale cheeks, and it was all she could manage. She took a breath and sang the end of the song,

'_And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,  
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.'_

**Please review, good or bad, feedback is always a plus!**


	11. Five More Days

**A/N: Here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it... thanks as always for the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

* * *

Spencer Reid woke up groggy and pale early the next morning. Cameron was wide awake, sitting next to him, staring blankly at the wall.

"Please tell me that this is over." He turned to look at her.

Cameron smiled weakly, "No, I'm afraid you probably have five more days of this fun left."

He frowned and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow.

"Not to worry, the first night is always the hardest." She shook his shoulder, "Come on Spencer. You can't quit now."

"There's no way I can go through five more days of this." He mumbled barely lifting his head off his pillow.

"You feel better now, don't you?" She asked.

He nodded, and sat up. After what he experienced last night, he was surprised by how different he felt this morning. "My legs still hurt."

She bit her lip, "The muscle pain and the insomnia are going to be your biggest symptoms now. Everything else isn't going to be as severe."

He breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn't have imagined going through last night alone.

She stood up and smiled, "Now then, it's time to start getting some food into you. I'm thinking some dry toast for now. Later on, of you feel up to it, I'll make you some homemade soup."

He just looked up at her with puppy-dog eyes. "Do I have to?"

She shook her head teasingly, "I'll just be a minute."

* * *

Perhaps it was Reid's intelligence, but Cameron had never met a person who was this much work to entertain. He may have still felt sick, but his energetic personality was on the mend. She personally dragged the television upstairs and after he said "there's nothing on" for the fifth time, drove through the snow and ice to the movie rental store.

"I'm going to pick out my favorite movies and we're going to occupy our time with them. And trust me, they're the best movies ever and you're going to love them."

He shrugged, "Okay."

So they sat side by side on the bed watching the 'best movies ever' and luckily, Reid quickly warmed up to Cameron's style of talking throughout the entire film.

"Peter O'Toole is just….wow. Come on, admit it, you liked this one." Cameron said with a smile.

Reid nodded his head, "Good call, good call. Much better then What's Ne—"

Cameron shook her head, "Stop right there." She smiled coyly. "Okay, what do you say we put the next movie in? Now, which would you rather watch first: the timeless original or off-centered remake?"

"Which one is better?"

"Oh no. You cannot compare the two, it's like comparing pickles and cucumbers, muffins and cupcakes, Canada and the US, like—"

"Aren't they the same movie?" Reid hedged.

Cameron gave a playful frown, "Okay Smarty-pants, they're both amazing."

Reid considered this and then turned to her, "Maybe we should approach it chronologically?"

"Gene Wilder it is."

The next few days went by like this. Nights were the worst part, because they were pretty much sleepless. The daytime was a lot easier, because they were less lonely. As she predicted, the muscle and bone pain were the worst, along with the restless insomnia. When he did sleep he was often interrupted by bad dreams. Cameron would hold his hand and talk him through it. She decided to sleep downstairs on the sofa, but since they hardly ever slept she would often come up and stay with him during the night. He really only slept well with her sitting next to him.

One night after a particularly bad dream and an unexpected episode of vomiting, Cameron tried to take his mind off the pain by asking what the dreams were about. And without a moment's hesitation he told her, he told her that the dreams were evolutions of his kidnapping. That's when the whole story behind his drugs and his depression came front and centre. She listened sympathetically and put her arm around him, she gently kissed the top of his head. "There's nothing to worry about anymore, you're safe."

"I know that it can't hurt me anymore. But he's with me all the time it seems. And now, I can't even get away from him when I sleep. It's like—" He sniffed and looked away.

Cameron took his hand, "But you're going to be alright now, and you have something to fight against. You're— you're just incredibly lucky."

He gave her a look. She shrugged, "You know what I mean: you aren't helpless."

He propped his head on her shoulder, "I don't know if I can go back to the BAU. I don't know how to be the person I used to be."

"Who says you have to be? Change can be a good thing, if you'll let it."

He closer his eyes and took a deep breath, "When is this 'no-sleeping thing' going to end?"

She yawned, "When you feel well again. Addiction isn't just physical, it's psychological, but you'll get there."

He smiled at her, his big brown eyes looking pleased. He hoped things were starting to change, and Cameron was certain of it. She watched him watch the movie and the look on his face made her absurdly happy.

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**A/N: Hope it was good! Please read and review, any feedback would be awesome!**


	12. Three Weeks Ago

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, I really appreciate it :D Just a caveat, this chapter has a lot to do with Camerons past, but don't worry, it help's show Reid's development...hopefully!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron and surrounding characters.**

* * *

"Cameron?" Reid woke in the middle of the night, "are you awake?"

"Uh huh."

He cleared his throat, "I… I want to ask you a question."

She rolled over and peered at him through the darkness, "Sure."

"I was just wondering, uh, why aren't you sleeping? Not right now, I mean, in general. Because you know that you don't have to stay up with me. And even if you wanted to, you can't just will yourself to be awake all the time."

Cameron rolled her eyes, "I'm not awake **all** the time."

"You're awake as much as I am, and that's a lot of the time. I just want to know." He flicked on the lamp beside him.

"There's nothing to know. Go to sleep." She reached across him and flicked the light off.

He sighed and waited a second, "You know you don't have to tell me."

Cameron shifted around and wiggled her feet, she flicked the light back on. "I don't want to go to sleep because I have dreams."

He frowned, "You have nightmares too?"

She bit her lip, "Not nightmares, they're more like memories, wading into my subconcious."

He squinted at her, "I don't understand—"

"I don't feel right, dumping all my problems on you. Your still si—" Cameron started softly.

"I'm not sick." He abruptly cut her off. "Besides, after everything you've done for me, it's my turn. You might feel better if you talk about it." He looked at her with earnest eyes, "Please?"

She felt herself start to give in, "When I moved to L.A. I fell in love with one of my friends from high school, he'd moved to L.A. years ago to become a musician and when I moved out there, he was the only one I knew and one thing led to another… Anyways, I was counseling at a rehab facility, meanwhile—I had no idea, or maybe I did. I don't know— I had a musician boyfriend who was a heavy drug user: heroine, cocaine, acid, speed. Whatever." She stopped for a second and took uneasy breath.

"He was the first person I couldn't help; he wouldn't stop, not even for me."

"Are you okay?" He asked, severe concern manifesting in his eyes.

"One morning, after months of begging him to stop, I found out that I was pregnant. I knew I had to stop being weak and left L.A. the next day, moved back to New York. My doctor friend helped me get a job counseling at his hospital. I was prepared to raise my baby alone."

Reid's eyes were wide, he tilted his head, "You're a mother?"

Against her will, several tears fell out of Cameron's eyes, she shook her head, "I wasn't on my own for too long. Liam found out through a mutual friend why I left, and he quit using that day. He showed up on my step, seven months clean. I was so bloody proud of him. He stayed with me for six months, until he had to go on tour with his band."

Silence loomed over them, Reid was itching for her to continue, but she was dreading it. Cameron grabbed a book off the nightstand and pulled out a photograph from the back of it, she handed it to him with shaky hands. He stared at it, it was Cameron dressed up like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, she was hugging a little boy of about three who was dressed like a lion.

Cameron blinked rapidly and looked away, "That's my son, Connor Christensen. He was born on December 17th. We took this picture on Halloween, he was so excited to go Trick-or-treating and wanted me to do it too, so we both dressed up. It was one of our favorite movies."

Reid moved over so he faced Cameron head on as she sat cross-legged on the bed. She didn't know how to continue, she didn't think that she could. Reid surprised himself by taking her hand and squeezing it, like she'd done many times for him. "It's okay, you don't have to talk anymore if you don't want to."

Cameron looked into his eyes, "I do. I need to do this." _Please, please let me be able to do this._

"It was right in the middle of flu season and the hospital was packed with sick kids and not enough staff. So when Connor caught a bad flu I took him to the clinic and was told to take him home and give him some chicken soup, plenty of fluids and baby aspirin, which I did. After about two more weeks he was still sick, only he was a lot worse. He couldn't catch his breath, I had to prop him up when he slept. I hadn't been to work the whole time he was sick and one night I just knew something was wrong and I rushed him to the hospital.

She rubbed her face as she begun to feel dizzy, "As soon as we got there my friend, Dr. Norton, started running all these tests. I just remember being asked to wait outside his room. I was just sitting there, and Dr. Norton, Adam, sat down beside me and told me that my three year old son was in severe congestive heart failure. Myocardirtis it's called, some stupid infection in his heart that no one noticed. Everything went hazy I just heard him say that unless some miracle heart became available, there wasn't anything they could do for him."

Tear were streaming down Cameron's face at this point as she gasped little breaths of air to continue. "Connor stayed in the hospital, it was like his second home I guess. He was so brave though, he just kept asking if he could have a puppy in heaven; he was allergic to them. I told him that he could have all the puppies he wanted. You have **no** idea how hard it is to tell a three year old he's dying." She didn't want to recall the incredible memories of her son, "I was lucky, you know? I got to hug him and give him a kiss, Liam never made it back in time to say goodbye. He never got to hear Connor say how much he was going to miss his mommy and daddy."

Reid's eyes started to water, he cleared his throat, "How, ah... how long ago?"

"Three weeks ago."

Reid tried not to look shocked, he couldn't believe what he had just learned. This poor girl was such a strong person for him to lean on and all this time...

Cameron put he head in her hands and sobbed, she shook her head, "It isn't fair. He was still just a baby—" She started choking and coughing. Reid got up and sat beside her, pulling her into his arms, holding her tight while she cried into his chest. He patted her back as she continued gasping and crying. "Shhh, it's alright to be hurt. It's okay." He whispered in her ear. He finally figured out why she had the Ativan, her doctor probably prescribed it to calm her down and help her sleep, not that she bothered to take it anyway.

He never knew he was capable of this level of compassion, and as she cried herself to sleep in his arms he realized that, though it would be slow going, it was possible for them both to heal.

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**Hope you all liked it. As always I'd love any feedback! :D**


	13. A Surprise

**A/N: Thanks to all my readers and a special thanks to those who've reviewed or added it the their fav. story list. I hope if you read this chapter you'll review, as a writter that makes all the work more worth while. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

* * *

Cameron had been staying with Reid a mere ten days and the time had been nothing shy of an emotional rollercoaster. On a Friday morning they both woke up late because of the long, sleepless night that followed Reid's fist Narcotics Anonymous meeting. It turned out that he couldn't cope with the pressure of sharing his emotions with such a large group of people and he ended up leaving not 10 minutes in. Cameron did her best to comfort him about his perceived 'failure'. Unfortunately it was a step backwards for him and all in all, it was an emotionally taxing night.

Reid awoke to the smell of coffee percolating and the sound of Cameron singing a familiar tune. Not surprisingly, it put a smile on his face.

He was stronger now, back to his old self, maybe even better. He moseyed on downstairs and helped himself to some coffee.

He sat down across from her at the table and drank his coffee quietly. He needed at least one cup of coffee before any type of communication could be attempted. He also found Cameron to be annoyingly chipper in the morning.

Luckily Cameron, who was a keen observer of habits, picked up on this quickly and toned down her energy in the morning. As soon as he downed the last of his coffee she broke the silence with a pretty smile and a few words, "Hey champ, bet you're glad to be back to work on Monday?"

He nodded tensely. _I'm glad to go back to work, but where are you going?_

Cameron slid out of her seat and laughed nervously. Reid moved over to make room for her on his chair and she put an arm around him. "Since this will be our last night together, how about doing something special?" She asked, she actually looked somber.

Her face was maddeningly close to his and his heart was racing, he gulped, "Uh…ahh, what have you got in mind?"

Cameron hopped up, suddenly aware of how close they were sitting. "It's a surprise." She tucked her hair behind her ears and cleared her throat, "Uh, more coffee?"

Reid held out his cup, "Please."

* * *

"Cameron did you say I needed a hat?" Reid called as headed downstairs. Cameron was on her cell phone and based on her tone of voice, finishing a serious conversation. He noticed her stiff posture, "Is everything okay?"

Cameron placed her phone on the table and smiled, "Yeah, everything's okay." She was a lousy liar.

Reid nodded doubtfully, "Oh, let me grab you a scarf." He returned from the coat closet and wrapped a bright red scarf around her neck. For some reason they both found the moment unusually intimate. Cameron blushed and smiled,"Wait until you see what I have in store for you."

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Reid stood at the top of a very steep hill, looking down it contemptuously. "Are you serious?"

Cameron just stared at the hill and smiled, "Come on, it'll be fun."

Reid raised his eyebrows, he made up his mind, no way was he doing this. But Cameron was already pulling a toboggan out from the trunk of his car.

"Where'd you get that?"

She set it down at the top of the hill, "I borrowed it from your neighbors while you were in the shower."

Reid's eyes were glued to the hill, his face paled.

Cameron's expression didn't change, "You don't want to do it, do you?"

He turned to her and held up his hands, "I'm sorry."

She smiled sweetly and stepped towards him, "You trust me right?"

"Of course I do." He replied without a moment's hesitation. "I've just never…" He gestured to the hill.

"You've never been tobogganing?"

"I grew up in Vegas."

"Spencer," She spoke softly as the day began to turn to dusk. "I would never let anything bad happen to you." He didn't reply, he just kept staring at the hill.

Cameron shrugged, "But if you don't want to go, I'll just go down by myself. Alone." She sat in the front of the toboggan, "Wish me luck!"

"Okay! Okay, I'm— I'm coming with you!"

And together they slid down the monstrous hill laughing like maniacs and holding on for dear life. The ride ended with both of them flying face first into the snow. They were out of breath and pumped with adrenaline. Cameron dragged herself over to Reid and flopped down on her back in the snow.

He looked upwards at the drastically darkening sky and took a breath, "Thank you, for that, thanks."

"Glad you had fun."

Maybe it was the thrill of the sledding but he made a bold move, "I think you should stay here."

Cameron laughed nervously, "What, here in the snow? I'd get kind of cold…"

"You know what I mean Cameron. You can't say you haven't liked it here."

"I like you." She said abruptly, "But this isn't my home." Her heart was aching incredibly.

"But it could be. I mean— you ran away from your old home. You could stay with me and work at the BAU, Hotch would let you."

"Spence, I can't work there."

"Remember in Missouri, when I was out of line and... yelled at you. Remember what I said about you being too hurt to want to care about anything again. I was right wasn't I?"

Cameron bit her lip, rude or not, he hit the nail on the head that day. "After Connor died, I realized that what I was doing, the counseling, wasn't right. I couldn't live with actually **knowing **how it feels to lose a child. I couldn't stand the reality that I hadn't actually changed anything."

"But it's different at the BAU." He interrupted. "No matter how good you were at your old job, you can't cure the incurable. But you said it yourself: we stop the unstoppable."

He turned to look at her and sat up, "Plus, I know you. Never caring, it would make you miserable."

She closed her eyes, a whole new picture filling her mind. Everything had changed so much. Everything he said filled her with some strange image of hope. She opened her eyes in a flash and sat up. "You're right. I want to stay. I'm going to stay." Reid smiled and stood up pulling her up with him. He just looked at her and pulled her into a hug.

Still in the embrace Cameron spoke. "Think Aaron's still at work?"

* * *

Aaron Hotchner sat at his desk filling out some paper work from their latest case. On the plane ride home he'd been his usual serious self. But when they returned to Quantico he had a message on his desk that said Reid would be back on Monday. He knew that meant he was better and Cameron had worked her magic. All and all it was shaping up to be a good day for him.

He heard a knock on his door and was shocked to see Cameron Mansfield standing there, looking around nervously. He instantly stood up, "Cameron. This is unexpected, what can I do for you?"

"I changed my mind." She blurted it out. She had meant to ease him into it, but her mind was racing.

Hotch's eyes widened, "You've changed your mind? I wasn't expecting that."

Cameron just shrugged, "I guess I just realized I was wrong."**  
**

Hotch shook his head, "I hope you aren't just doing this for Re—"

"I won't say that I'm not." She interrupted. "But I'm also doing it because I want to."

He nodded and began rummaging in his desk for official forms he'd kept in there for her, _just in case." _If you don't mind me asking, why the sudden change of heart."

She paused for a moment before answering, "Sometimes bad things happen and there's nothing you can do to stop them. I've seen the most unjust and unfair things happen to people who didn't deserve it. Then I experienced first hand what is unjust and unfair and I was powerless to stop it. I don't want to be powerless anymore. So I have to do this."

Hotch almost smiled when he handed the paperwork to his old friend. "Fill this out and bring it with you Monday." They both stood up and he held his hand out, "Welcome the team."

Yes, it had been a good day for Aaron Hotchner.

* * *

Cameron walked into Reid's house and found him asleep at the kitchen table, she pushed his hair off of his face causing him to stir. He looked around groggily, "How—yawn—how did it go?"

She looked at him vacantly and didn't speak. He stood up urgently, "What's wrong?" He stroked her cheek gently. She looked into his caring brown eyes and knew they'd found something that neither of them should let go of. He took her arms and pulled her into his chest, he kissed her forehead as she nuzzled his neck. Safe in his arms, she finally spoke, "I need your help."

* * *

**Hope it was up to par, any feedback would be great.**


	14. Going Back

**A/N: This chapter takes place right after the last one. This was a _major _pain to write. I liked the idea when I had it in my head. Then I started to write it... Anyways, try to enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

* * *

Reid pulled back from her, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine, but I could use your help with something." She paused for a few seconds, "After Connor's funeral I left my home in Brooklyn and went to California to stay with Liam because I had to get away from it all. I haven't been back since but I asked my friend Adam to sell it for me. Houses go fast in New York and now I have to be out of there by Monday."

"You want me to help you move out of your old house?" He asked slightly confused. "I'm not exactly the muscle you need for moving boxes."

Cameron bit her lip, "It's not that. I just don't think… I can't do it by myself."

He mentally smacked himself for the muscle comment,"I'll come with you." He responded quickly, reaching out and giving her shoulder a squeeze. "You'll get through this."

"I guess its time... I'm going back."

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Reid and Cameron stood in silence in front of an old brick house in Brooklyn. He wasn't sure how long they should be standing out in the cold. "Cameron, do you want to— uh… go inside?"

Cameron continued to stare at the house from her spot on the driveway. Her feet felt cemented to the ground.

"Aren't you getting cold?" He asked with notable concern. But Cameron didn't show a hint of responsiveness.

Reid jammed his hands into his pockets, someone had to take control of the situation and Cameron didn't seem in any shape to do it. He gently grabbed her arm and slipped the keys out of her bag. He unlocked the door and looked to her, "You gonna be okay?"

Cameron felt her stomach drop, _I can do this, I can do this, I am going to be okay. _She nodded quickly.

Inside the house was just as she'd left it, the walls were covered with photos and finger paintings. She took a deep breath, _God, it even smells the same._ She walked through the lower level of the house, not really taking in anything she saw. Reid observed her movements, stiff and anxious, and her glazed-over eyes. Her feet moved quietly across the floor and she started heading upstairs. Reid followed her anxiously, all the while remaining silent. She stopped outside of the door to her son's room, just staring blankly into it. He didn't interrupt her for nearly 30 minutes while she just stood there staring. She was physically exhausted from all of this.

He was starting to get concerned, "Cameron…"

"I'm going in. I can do it, I can go in… I just need a minute." Her face was white as a sheet and her eyes were showing hints of panic.

Reid stood beside her, "How does it feel?"

Cameron came to a little, "It's killing me."

"I think that sounds about right." Reid stated, garnering a strange look from Cameron. "It's like what happened with me. You told me that I was going to be okay and I started to get better when I was feeling the worst of all. The fact that you're hurting now, it means you're healing." Then Reid did something that made sense to him and took the first step into the room and Cameron instinctually followed him. She closed her eyes, if she tried hard enough she could thought she could feel him in there with her,

"It looks like he liked hearing bedtime stories." Reid pointed out quietly.

Cameron nodded and walked over to his bed and picked a book up off the floor.

"Which one is that?" Reid asked from behind her. She turned to face him slowly, "It's a collection of Grimm Brother stories. I was just reading this to him, it seems like yesterday. It's the last book I read to him before he…" Cameron's voice trailed off.

Reid tried to keep her talking, "What about in the hospital, did you read to him at all?"

She shook her head and turned her back to him. She began flipping through the pages of the book.

"You sang to him, right?" He asked cautiously. She turned to face him with a confused look. He stammered, "I just figured that—you…well you sang to me and—"

"He liked it when I sang." She said softly. She placed the book on the dresser and walked quietly out of the room. He followed her and stood in the doorway of her bedroom. "Do you want to be alone?"

She didn't answer, instead she sat down on her bed, "I want to feel something. I want to know how to remember him without missing him."

Reid started fidgeting, he didn't have a lot of experience with this sort of thing. "What songs did he like to hear you sing?"

Her eyes started to pool with tears, "He— uh he liked the Lion King."

Reid realized he didn't know the film very well, "Which ones did he like?"

"All of them. But his favorite one was _I Just Can't Wait to be King_. I personally preferred _Hakuna Matata_… Why are you asking all this?"

Reid took her hand, "You just have to remember everything you loved about Connor. The things he liked and everything you did together. It's okay to be sad, but with time, you'll learn how to miss him less."

Cameron managed to smile slightly, "He was everything to me, I just never realized I could love someone so much. I know every mom thinks her kid is special but…Connor saved Liam's life. Of course he didn't know it, but he did. If it hadn't have been for Connor, Liam told me he never would have stopped using drugs." She paused and looked at him, "I know its hard to understand."

"Not for me... I've been down that road too. I saw what the drugs did to me physically and mentally and there were times when I didn't want to live with it anymore and I thought about taking too much. But then I met you, but if it wasn't for this tragedy, you never would have been in Virginia. Your son… he saved me too."

Tears started to fall down Cameron's cheeks, Reid opened his arms and she slipped into a hug. "It's not going to feel better all at once, but you're going to be just fine." He found it strangely full-circle for him to be telling her all the things about recovery that she told him days ago.

Cameron looked up at him and placed her hand on his chest, "I am glad I met you Spencer Reid." She stroked his hair and wrapped her hand around the back of his neck. She slowly moved in to kiss him and he started to pull away but she just moved closer to him, resting half her body on his lap. In the midst of this lengthy kiss she started to unbuttoned his shirt but he moved away quickly. "This isn't a good idea…" He pulled away from a subsequent kiss. "You're…. upset and not yourself." Cameron wiped a few tears off her cheeks and started kissing his neck.

He was struggling to control his urges, "Cameron, stop. This….this is…we can't do this." He pushed her away this time.

"Yes, yes we can." She started to unbutton his shirt again.

Reid took a ragged breath and kept shaking his head. She forced herself to stop, "Spencer, how long have you been alone? Aren't you sick of it?"

Reid didn't answer he just kept a good foot of space between them. He knew one of them had to be clearheaded.

She brought the volume of her voice down, "I just don't want to be lonely anymore." She looked at him and put her hand on his knee, waiting for him to make the next move.

Reid started thinking about the situation at hand, _what are the possible outcomes of this situation? She's upset and might regret this when she feels better. There's no logical reason to rush into this._

_Oh, screw it. _He put his hands on her hips and slowly laid her down on the bed. _Sometimes you just have to do what feels right._

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**God that last scence felt awkward to write... As always, please let me know what you thought of the chapter :D**


	15. Something Better

**A/N: That felt like a while between updates! Hope you like it :D Just so everyone knows I am slowly bringing the story to a close so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I own Cameron though**

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Reid tried to stifle a yawn as he taped some cardboard boxes into good packing form. He decided to get a jump start on assembling boxes while Cameron caught up on some much needed sleep. On second thought, he wished he was in there sleeping too. But after their romantic encounter he felt restless just lying there.

Cameron woke after an hour-long nap and peeked around the corner. She slipped quietly into the kitchen and stood behind him. She tried not to laugh as she stuck her hands up the back of his shirt. He jumped up, "Cameron! Your hands are freezing!"

She smiled coyly, "Do you want me to move them?"

He turned around and his cheeks reddened, though, to be honest, he actually liked her playful way of teasing him.

She boosted herself onto the counter, "So you've been hard at work while I was asleep. Sorry about that… I didn't realize how tired I was."

"Don't worry about it. Anyways all the boxes are assembled and all you have to do is pack up everything."

"I think I'm going to donate some of the stuff to Goodwill. I don't need all of this anymore." Cameron knew that part of moving on meant keeping things that reminded her of Connor, like her photo albums and his favorite books and toys and art he made for her. But she knew that she would not do anyone any good by bringing everything he'd ever touched with her.

Together they started packing up supplies from the kitchen with the radio playing quietly in the background.

All of Reid's doubts from earlier we surfacing again and he began to question his actions. "Cameron, do you…" Reid coughed into a clenched fist.

Cameron smiled and rolled her eyes, "Spence, I don't regret what happened tonight."

Reid's voice got squeaky, "You don't?"

"Wait a second, do you?" Cameron crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"No, no. Of course not, I'm just worried about Monday… and us working together."

"What is there to worry about?" Cameron thought about it for a moment, "The FBI is bound to have rules about this, right?"

"There are a few guidelines, it just goes against the policy."

Cameron shrugged, "But they can't get upset if the relationship existed before I joined the bureau right?"

Reid squinted, "I'm not sure… I guess not. But Hotch is our boss and he pretty much has his say in whatever happens within the team."

Cameron scrunched her nose, "I wouldn't worry about Aaron, I mean he's human and I can't see him interfering in a perfectly good relationship without an urgent reason." Cameron paused, her loyalty lies with him anyways. "I'll leave, if it becomes a problem." Reid was about to protest when she held a finger to his lips, "Which it won't."

* * *

"Cameron, hey…wake up."

"Hmmm, please go away."

"You have to go meet the director of the FBI today remember? You're going to be late."

"What? You were supposed to wake me up!"

"I know, but I feel asleep editing this article and forgot to set the clock."

Cameron glanced at the clock and sprung out of bed, "I can't believe this! How awful is it going to look if I'm late?"

Reid sat on the bed, "Don't worry, if you get ready fast you probably won't be late."

Cameron was already in the bathroom brushing her teeth. When she showed up at Quantico two weeks ago, the team was in shock. As for how open they were to her as the new member, only time would tell. She spent the past two weeks taking tests and qualifications and today was her first official day with the BAU.

Cameron and Spencer never formally discussed it but on Sunday night, when they got back from New York, she moved into his house. They both went to the office at the same time, unless he was on a case, but he would always wake her up. But today she had to go in early to see the director at 8:30 and he was supposed to set the clock, but obviously didn't.

Cameron pulled a suit and a purple blouse out of the closet and quickly began pulling on her clothes. "How do I look?" Reid just smiled and flung a ponytail holder at her, which she used to pull her hair back. She ran out of bedroom, shoes in hand, but she quickly hurried back and knelt beside Reid on the bed. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him with a passion that seemed abnormal for someone who was on their way to a stressful meeting. He pushed her bangs out of her eyes and smiled nervously, "See you at work."

She hopped off the bed and on her way out the door called, "Please bring me some coffee for the briefing!" He waited for the slam of the front door and the sound of her pulling out of the driveway.

For Reid the changes that Cameron brought were blessings for him, he couldn't help smile whenever she spoke. Even sometimes when he wasn't doing well, he'd still smile inwardly. But this made him question how long it would take for the others to find out about their relationship. They weren't 'hiding' it, but bringing it up just seemed awkward for now.

He really did feel bad for forgetting to set the alarm clock, but mostly he was relieved she'd gotten a full night's sleep, for the first time in a long time. He felt some anxiety over their first official day working together. So far the only team member she had contact with was Garcia and a little bit with J.J. The rest of them had been busy working on a few cases the past two weeks. It may sound crazy, but he had worried a lot about leaving her alone while he was on a case. And, not to his surprise, when he got back she looked like she'd barely been sleeping.

Reid headed downstairs and made himself some coffee. His recovery had been very slow going and he knew it was incredibly lucky that Cameron had all the patience in the world. Mind you, she seemed to need him equally. It was give and take with them, whenever one needed the other, they always seemed to be there.

He knew in his mind that the feelings he had for her were not those of a crush. He didn't know what it was like to be in love, but he did know about loving a person. He certainly loved Cameron, right? She had a few quirks, that might bother other people, like sitting cross-legged on the floor when they watched movies, or eating dry cereal right out of the box, or the way she clacked her teeth together when she was nervous. But those things little things drove him crazy in all the right ways.

Yeah, he loved her. There was no questioning this. His obsessively analytical mind was constantly trying to search her body language for signs of reciprocation. And you know what? He saw them and he felt them and he didn't need mathematical certainty like he normally did.

This time he had something better.

**Please review! As always, as a writer, I love the feedback: good or bad. I'd also be able to answer questions or take suggestions. :D Have a good one.**


	16. The Truth Comes Out

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A/N: Here is the next chapter in our Cameron and Reid saga. Hope you enjoy and please continue to read and review.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield...**

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Two weeks and five days.

That was how long before everyone on the team knew about Cameron and Reid. Okay, they probably knew sooner, but that was when they acknowledged the relationship.

Morgan was the first one to find out, he also found out in the most….direct way.

J.J. called everyone in at 3am for an emergency briefing and as was the trend, Cameron and Reid were there first to arrive, as they lived closest. They decided to wait in the Round Table room, in the dark.

"I don't think the FBI would want us doing this." Reid said in a raspy voice between kisses.

Cameron giggled as she pulled her body towards his, "Oh come on. No one else will be in for at least 40 more minutes. And J.J.'s making photocopies."

He ran his hands through her hair and pressed her up against the white board. It was only a bit of innocent kissing but Reid and Cameron jumped a mile apart when they heard the door open.

Morgan arrived, way earlier then normal (he usually took his time). He flicked the light on and the first thing he saw was Reid standing next to Cameron doing his best not to look guilty. Morgan raised an eyebrow, "You guys always stand around in the dark?"

Cameron joked nervously, "It's the middle of the night, and my eyes aren't fully adjusted to the light just yet." She tapped her fingers on the desk. "You boys want some coffee?" Reid nodded rapidly. "Morgan?"

"Yeah, thanks." Morgan replied and Cameron scurried out of the room.

Reid sat down at the table and pretended he was looking for something in his messenger bag. Morgan sat down next to him grinning hugely. He suppressed the smile and turned serious, "Cameron looked flushed, this case is going to be hell if she's getting sick."

Panic swept over Reid, he knew the jig was up. His eyes darted between Morgan and the door.

Morgan held up his hands, "Hey man, I don't blame you, as long as you guys are having a good time, more power to you."

Before Reid could excuse himself Morgan continued, "For future reference, you may want to keep that business out of the office. Even if you think you're alone."

Reid breathed a sigh of relief, "Yeah man, you got it."

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Garcia was the next one to find out. One night after work Cameron, Reid and Garcia went out for drinks. Cameron left their table to get the next round from the bar. Garcia sipped the remainder of her drink while watching the bartender as he chatted-up Cameron.

"I bet she gets a lot of that." Garcia said perkily.

Reid turned to around, "A lot of what?"

"You know, men hitting on her shamelessly. Not that there's anything wrong with men hitting on an attractive single woman." Garcia said ironically.

Reid rubbed his head, "Okay, how'd you find out?" Though he suspected Morgan told her.

"Oh, my beautiful brain, you don't think everyone's noticed? If you could see how happy you look…" Garcia stopped as Cameron brought back the drinks, "Hey kitten."

Cameron sat down and watched the two of them exchange awkward glances. "So that's two down." Cameron said with a smile as she took a drink.

Naturally Garcia told J.J. the next morning in the office, so Hotch and Emily were the last ones to discuss it.

It was late at night on a flight back from a case, J.J. and Morgan were knocked out, Emily and Cameron were having a quiet conversation, and Hotch and Reid were both doing paper work.

Aaron Hotchner always had respect for people and their personal lives but after Reid looked up from his work for the eleventh time to steal a glance at Cameron, he decided it was time to have a talk with the young doctor.

Hotch put down his pen and interrupted Reid mid-stare, "She's a great girl isn't she?"

Reid looked up and squinted as if to say, _surely I don't know where you're going with this_. Instead he cleared his throat, "Uh, yeah she's nice."

"Reid," Hotch began and Reid could tell he was serious. He looked at Hotch like a kid who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar, "So, am I…are we…." He cleared his throat, "Are you mad?"

Hotch shifted in his seat, "No, I'm not mad. But, I am concerned."

Reid gave him a confused look, "Concerned? I don't understand, what do you think is going to happen? I'm not going to—"

"That's not what I meant. In order for this team to function everyone has to know the risks. I know you know how dangerous this job can be, and I think Cameron knows too." Hotch paused for a second, "I'm just worried that neither of you are prepared for the other one to be in danger. I don't know if either of you are prepared for all the sacrifices you'll have to make. "

"Hotch," Reid began, "We have the same job…"

"But you don't think there's going to come a time when one of you is going to be afraid of the other one going into a messy situation? She's already gotten herself into trouble once and don't say you haven't thought about the bad things that could happen." Hotch spoke firmly but there was sympathy in his voice.

Reid would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it, a lot. It crossed his mind every time they packed up to go anywhere and it probably occurred to her too.

Reid shrugged, "I won't say that I never going to worry about her, but that's our problems that we can work out when the time comes.and"

Hotch didn't want to press the issue, you can't convince people not to cross the street because they might be hit by a car. He did have one other concern that he'd been avoiding bringing up.

"How is she?" The tone of his voice told Reid what he was referring to.

Reid frowned, looked from Cameron to Hotch, "You know about…when did you find out?"

"When I called her old boss for her work history he let it slip, he probably thought I already knew." Hotch looked out the window and shook his head, "She never told me."

"It's not you, it's just…really hard for her to talk about."

"No, I mean I never knew about her son in the first place. We're friends, I've known her for years and I didn't know that she had a sick kid." Hotch felt an irrational onset of guilt.

"She moved around a lot, I'm sure she wanted you to know. It's not like she deliberately kept it from you."

Hotch sighed, "You'll take care of her right?"

Reid was shocked by Hotch's uncharacteristic protectiveness, "Of course."

Hotch gave a solemn nod, "Good. You both deserve the best." His tone remained serious. "So, I wish good luck to you both."

Meanwhile Cameron sat with Prentiss as Emily shared the horrifying details of her most recent date. Emily and Cameron sometimes considered each other as friends as much as coworkers. Cameron laughed as Emily finished her story with, "I'll probably never step foot in that pharmacy again."

Cameron smiled, "Don't say that, the next pharmacist you meet may be a real catch." Prentiss just rolled her eyes.

"Hey Em. What do you think of Reid?" Cameron asked cautiously.

"You mean as a potential boyfriend?" Cameron nodded. "Well," Emily continued, "I think that depends on the person, but he's too young for me."

Cameron bit her lip, "What about for me?"

Emily smiled and raised her eyebrows, "Tell me, is this a hypothetical question?"

Cameron rubbed her eyes, "It's not, and I'm pretty sure everyone already suspects it, right?"

"If it was three months ago and anybody else asking, I would have warned them to think twice about getting involved." Emily shrugged minimally, "But Reid's different now and I think you have some part in that. I tried to be his friend so I've seen him on both sides of the spectrum and since you've been around he's been alright again."

Cameron was a notorious fretter, a worrier, she simply couldn't help it. Reid was constantly telling her to relax and to stop worrying. She was a mother in every sense, even before she was actually a mother. She mothered those around her, constantly worrying about them. Emily saw it too, Cameron took responsibility for everyone she knew. Emily could see on her face that she was panicking about this relationship. Cameron was making this more complicated then it was, but her desire to be forth coming and make sure everyone was covered was making her into a ball of anxiety.

"Em, be honest. Do you think Hotch would get in trouble for letting this kind of thing happen on his team?"

Emily laughed, "Hotch? No. Nobody is going to tell Aaron Hotchner how to run his team. Besides, he's gone up to bat for the team before and he always comes out on top."

Cameron sighed, "That's a relief." She glanced over at Reid and tried to hide a smile, she had never been fond of normalcy. Her whole life had been pleasantly (for the most part) abnormal. This job wasn't normal, her feelings weren't normal and Reid wasn't normal. Reid was special, he couldn't bring back everything Cameron lost, but he was what she needed now. Cameron wasn't fifteen and she wasn't a sap, but she knew what she felt. As she watched Reid she could help thinking about arriving back home and getting to be alone with him again. She held his glance from across the plane and gave him a sly wink. He quickly looked back down to his work but she could see him suppressing a smile. Cameron had a feeling from the beginning that things with Reid were going to go well. Spencer wasn't perfect, but neither was as she. Spencer was handsome with his big brown eyes and secretive smile. He was kind and he took care of her. She looked back to Emily and frowned, "Em, I hope this isn't unprofessional, but I'm at a point where my feelings are so intense, and I'm worried if I tell him he'll run away."

Emily shrugged and looked away briefly, "You have to do it. Men, especially men like Reid, need to be reassured of what's happening in a relationship. Besides, it will hopefully validate whatever he's feeling." Emily said, restoring Cameron's confidence.

She nodded, "I just don't know… how can I get it across without making him uncomfortable or pressuring him into saying something he doesn't mean?"

"Just calm down and work with what he knows."

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"So Dr. Reid, it's unfortunate that neither of us got any sleep on the plane." Cameron dumped a load of laundry in the washer.

Reid grinned, truth was that he was tired, but he could sleep later. "It's hard to be around you all day and have to treat you like a colleague." He grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the laundry. "It was torture to watch you on the plane when all I wanted to do was kiss you."

"Hmmm, sounds like someone's trying to get lucky." Cameron whispered into his ear.

"I never thought I'd get this lucky."

Cameron gave him a playful slap on the arm, "We're both pretty lucky."

Reid shrugged, "Hotch knows."

"And Emily knows."

He shrugged, "So everybody knows. I guess it's officially official now."

She nodded, "I'm just glad we didn't get in trouble."

"I told you to stop worrying, he was very calm about everything."

Cameron moved backwards a little, "Spencer, I have to say something and I'm going to speak in the dialect of your hometown. I'm all in. I'm not kidding around or whatever, I'm just trying to be honest. I'm sorry if it scares you, but then you never should have let that girl into your motel room back in Missouri. Because now I'm here to stay and I just want you to know how important—"

"Cameron," Reid smiled and took her by the arm out of the laundry room. "I assumed that you could tell the feeling is mutual. Not to mention that I'm immensely happy that you skillfully managed to talk your way into my room." He replied without a moment's hesitation.

She wrapped her arm around him and kissed his neck, "I'm glad to hear it. Now what do you say we go to bed?"

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**I hope this chapter lived up to you expectations, please let me know what you think :D Cheers!**


	17. Epilogue

**A/N: This is the end of our little story, I really hope you all enjoyed. I'm really considering a sequel so let me know what you think about that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, CBS does! I do own Cameron Mansfield.**

_Dear Mom,_

_Before I start on today's story I want to let you know that all the knights are doing __well. Work has been fine, but I have something a little bit different to write about today. I know normally you like to hear tales about work but I have a better story for you today. Let's call it a love story, but it doesn't really start out that way. Let's go back to the beginning. _

_I guess you probably remember the five days last February when I never wrote you and I want to apologize for never explaining myself. Something bad happened and I got hurt. I'm alright now, but for a while I wasn't._

_I was on a slippery slope six months ago, I felt like I lost everything, I even lost myself. Honest to God, the only way to describe it would be to say I died. Everything I was, the parts of me you could be proud of, they all died. You can imagine how hard this is for me to understand, I've studied every kind of science known to man and I know that there is nothing scientific that can explain the end of your life before you actually die. I wish I would have asked you, I'm sorry that I didn't. I know you would have understood, and I k__now you could have taught m__e how it was possible. There's a quote I'm sure you know very well, "Cowards may die many times before their deaths". I remember hearing it when you used to read to me, I think that's the best way to explain what happened to me. _

_I don't want to upset you by telling you all of this. Like I wrote earlier, I'm better now. I've been brought back to life. Now I told you that this was a love story and I'll move on to that part because I know it's what you've been waiting to read. _

_Cameron Mansfield, that's who brought me back to life. Everything I have now I owe to her, she brought me out of my darkness and lead me back to the land of the living. You probably thought you'd n__ever hear this from me, __but I'm in love with her. And I want to thank you for everything you've taught me. Not just about literature, but you always told me about the proper way to treat a girl, l__ike holding the door open __or helping her with her coat. _

_Mom, I'm really glad that I finally got to write you a letter like this. I'm sorry I wasn't ready to do it sooner. It's_ _nice to tell you a story with a happy ending. I know that you read all the tragic love stories of the past and so you must know how rare it is to find this sort of happiness._

_I'll write again tomorrow. Love always,_

_Spencer_

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"Writing to you mom?" Cameron asked as she entered the living room with two glasses of red wine.

"Just finished." He replied carefully applying a stamp to the envelope, "You know this is the nicest letter I've ever written her?"

Cameron handed him a glass, "You normally write to her about work right? That can't be a very cheery topic."

Spencer looked over at her slightly flushed, "I wrote about you today."

Cameron broke into a huge smile, "Really?" She didn't mean to sound so surprised, but he never talked about his mom and she assumed that when he wrote her letters, she would never be the topic of conversation. She bit her lip sweetly and wrapped her arm around his neck, "You know I love you right?"

His cheeks reddened and he nodded, "Do you know that I love you?"

She nodded back and held his gaze, "I know."

Reid picked up his glass and Cameron did the same. "Here's to many more happy stories." He toasted.

Cameron tilted her head quizzically but clinked her glass against his, "To leaving the dakness and in the light of day, finding all the happiness we'll ever need."

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**A/N: Shakespeare is the owner of the quote. Hope you all loved the story and I hope you want to hear more :D Please review for the last time.**


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